Child jokes
What say the child to the man? Shalom.
Man come later give the child: "Here, what you asked for!"
Child: "No, sir! I say Shabbat Shalom. I not ask for salmon!"
Man: "It may be the coin in me ear, hard to hear."
Kid: What is an orphan's favorite breakfast?
Teacher: What?
Kid: Fruity Pebbles with water.
Teacher: Why water?
Kid: 'Cause his dad never came back with the milk.
Me: Are you an orphan?
Orphan: Yes, how did you know and what gave me away?
Me: Where's your parents?
Orphan: They died and I have a phone, why?
Me: Because it has a home button.
There are 206 bones in the human body.
207 when I'm at a nursery.
Why are orphans so bad at baseball?
Because they can’t get a home run.
I'd tell a bad baby joke, but I decided to abort.
What song do supportive parents of a closeted child love?
“The Son Will Come Out Tomorrow.”
Why did Little Johnny drop his ice cream?
Because he got hit by a bus.
Did you hear about the baby with cancer? It never gets old.
What’s missing from an orphan's iPad?
The home button.
What has eight legs and doesn’t rape children?
The Jackson 4.
My girlfriend really wants me to get her pregnant so she would have a father figure in her life for once.
My 19-year-old girl killed a butterfly. I said no butter for you.
She then she killed a cockroach. I told her nice try.
My woman is a nine on a bad day, but she’ll be 10 on her birthday.
Where do babies get baptized?
So the priest can wash their sex toys.
What song did Michael Jackson come up with after his first sleepover with the kid?
"Just Beat It."
If a pregnant lady murders someone, does the child get an assist?
I just prevented a 10-year-old from getting assaulted.
Nothing much, I just decided to go home.
Bill Clinton and Joe Biden are on a sinking ship.
Joe Biden says we need to save the women and children. Bill Clinton says, "Screw the women and children." Joe Biden says, "Do we have that much time?"
Every depressed person just has to say, "I WANT TO JUMP OFF THAT TALL BUILDING RIGHT THERE!" and then points to the building and runs up to it like an immature child, and then they get disappointed when they aren't allowed into the building.