Child jokes

When 9/11 happened, we changed our airport policies. When school shootings happen, we haven't changed anything since the shooting at Columbine in 1999. And we say we want the children to be safe.

When 9/11 happened, we changed our airport policies. When school shootings happen, we haven't changed anything since the shooting at Columbine in 1999. And we say we want the children to be safe.

What's the difference between an apple and an orphan? Apples get picked. Orphans don't.

What do you call an orphan in a wheelchair running into fire? Hot Wheels.

I got hired to work as a camp counselor for kids with ADHD, but I got fired. I guess I shouldn't have introduced myself with "Welcome to concentration camp".

What's the difference between a six-year-old and a submarine?

I've never been inside a submarine.

Abortion is a difficult topic for me.

On one hand I support it because it kills children.

On the other hand, it gives women a choice.

I regret my abortion.

I didn’t know child labor was an option.

I got fired from my paramedic job on the first day. I told an eight-year-old who lost his leg in a car accident to "walk it off."

What's the difference between a child and a cancer diagnosis? At least the cancer grows up and leaves eventually.

What did a man say to his boy?

You are my son.

I dated a lot of girls before I married my wife. I was living with one of them when I arrived home one day to find her bags packed and next to the door. I asked her, "Baby, what's going on?" She said, "I'm leaving you."

"But why?" I replied.

"Because you're a pedophile!" she answered.

"That's a pretty big word for a six-year-old," I said.

What do a plastic bag and Jeffery Epstein have in common?

They're both dangerous to children.

What is Michael Jackson's favorite movie?

The Boy in the Plastic Bubble? Why? The boy who was in the bubble.

What’s the worst thing about having a daughter with cancer? You can’t pull on her hair.

What do you call a child version of Batman?

The Raped Crusader.

So, I was in the woods the other day raping this woman when she screamed, 'Please! Think of my children!' I said, 'Ooo, you kinky bitch.'

What’s a reverse exorcism?

It’s when the demon tells the priest to get out of the child.

What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?

The apple gets picked.

So, I was in the woods the other day raping this woman when she screamed, 'Please! Think of my children!'

I thought, 'Ooo, you kinky bitch.'