Child jokes
A husband and wife at custody court. The judge looks sternly at the ex-wife.
Judge: "Why do you think you deserve custody of the child?"
Ex-wife: "I brought him into this world, so I should have custody of him."
Judge: "That is a simple yet good reason."
Then the judge looks toward the ex-husband.
Judge: "Why do you think you deserve custody of the child, sir?"
The ex-husband thought long and hard about his response. After a brief moment of silence, he replies, "If I put money into a Pepsi machine and a Pepsi comes out, is it mine or the machine's?"
I pushed the kid in the wheelchair down the hill, but before I did, I set his wheels on fire and called him "hot wheels."
What is the difference between preschools and my basement?
Little kids come out of preschool.
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
Because they can’t run home.
When is a rapist safe around children?
When his plans are oven ready.
Why are orphans bad at baseball?
They can't find the home plate.
An orphan was running down the road. A car pulled up and said, "Get in." So the orphan got in and said, "Where are we going?" The kidnapper said, "I'm taking you to my house." The orphan replied, "OML, ARE YOU ADOPTING ME!?"
The way to stop school shootings is to give children an RPG.
Daddy, where's my anus?
What do boobs and toys have in common?
They were both originally made for kids, but daddies end up playing with them.
Why is September 11th the best birthday ever? No one forgets it :)
So I saw a bag full of children near a dumpster. I guess we know where the orphans are when the parents didn’t want them.
Wouldn’t want to hope a Catholic priest comes along, otherwise the priest will have new sex toys.
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
They can’t find home.
1 like = 1 more child in my fryer.
Follow for candy, kids.
Like for pizza, kids.
Comment for kids.
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
They have no home to run to.
1 like = 1 more child in my basement.
What's the worst place to teach an orphan? Homeschool.
My boss said she would've loved to meet Bill Cosby as a child. I don't get why I'm getting arrested. I was just making sure his dream came true.
Why can't orphans watch PG?
They don't have any parental guidance.