Why did Stephen Hawking die?

Because his wife changed the WiFi password

How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb? - None, that’s a hardware problem.

My girlfriend told me she was leaving me because I keep pretending to be a Transformer. I said, “No, wait! I can change.”

How many feminists do you need to change a light bulb? One. She puts the bulb up and waits for the world to revolve around her. …just kidding-

  • none. They can’t change anything.

How many feminist does it take to change a lightbulb?

What makes you think feminist can change anything

How many feminists does it take to fix a lightbulb? None. Feminists can’t change anything.

How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb? None. They’ll just arrest the bulb for being broke and beat the room for being dark.

How many homeless guys does it take to change a lightbulb? “You’re telling me there’s change in a lightbulb?”

How many cancer patients does it take to change a lightbulb? 10, 1 to change the lightbulb 9 to talk about how inspired they are?

How many dead prostitutes does it take to change a light bulb? – Obviously not 8, because its still dark in my basement.

How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?

As many as you like. They can’t change anything.

Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me I ain’t the sharpest tool in the shed She was looking kind of dumb with her finger and her thumb In the shape of an “L” on her forehead

Well, the years start coming and they don’t stop coming Fed to the rules and I hit the ground running Didn’t make sense not to live for fun Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb

So much to do, so much to see So what’s wrong with taking the back streets? You’ll never know if you don’t go You’ll never shine if you don’t glow

[Chorus:] Hey, now, you’re an All Star, get your game on, go play Hey, now, you’re a Rock Star, get the show on, get paid And all that glitters is gold Only shooting stars break the mold

It’s a cool place and they say it gets colder You’re bundled up now wait 'til you get older But the meteor men beg to differ Judging by the hole in the satellite picture

The ice we skate is getting pretty thin The water’s getting warm so you might as well swim My world’s on fire. How about yours? That’s the way I like it and I’ll never get bored.

[Chorus 2x]

Somebody once asked could I spare some change for gas I need to get myself away from this place I said yep, what a concept I could use a little fuel myself And we could all use a little change

Well, the years start coming and they don’t stop coming Fed to the rules and I hit the ground running Didn’t make sense not to live for fun Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb

So much to do, so much to see So what’s wrong with taking the back streets? You’ll never know if you don’t go You’ll never shine if you don’t glow.

[Chorus]

And all that glitters is gold Only shooting stars break the mold

What do you call it when a chameleon won’t change colors?

A reptile dysfunction.

Can you drive a pizza? Of course as long as you change the olive oil.

when does it rain money? – when there’s a change in the weather.

Broccoli says" I look like a tree" Walnut says “I look like a brain”, Cashew says “I look like a kidney”, Banana says "can we change the topic please? "

What do you call a cow with no legs? (Ground Beef!) No, a cow! The absence of legs does not change the fact that the species is still a cow!

What do you call a DOG with no legs? (A dog?) It doesn’t matter what you call it, as it’s never going to come.

How do chinese people name there children? They thro pots and pans down the stairs and listen for the sounds, Ching Chong Chang.

How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb.

None, because they beat the room for being dark, then arrest the room for being broke.

for 15 cents a day you can feed an African child they eat spare change i guess

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