Change jokes

When does it rain money?

When there's a change in the weather.

I was at my bank today waiting in a short line. There was just one lady in front of me, an Asian lady, who was trying to exchange yen for dollars. It was obvious she was a little irritated. She asked the teller, "Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla of yen. Today I only get hunat eighty? Why it change?" The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, "Fluctuations." The Asian lady says, "Fluc you white people too!"

How do Chinese people name their children?

They throw pots and pans down the stairs and listen for the sounds, "Ching Chong Chang."

Did you hear that Michael Jackson changed his name from Michael Smith? Well, at least he's honest.

Straight men change their girlfriends like they change their undies. So, about once a month.

Why did Steven Hawking die?

His wife changed the WiFi password.

There was a person inside who needed help from the police, but the police changed their number, so he ordered a party with pizzas from 2 airplanes, but the pilots were stupid, so they put people instead of pizzas, and one landed on the 93rd floor and the 94th floor, literally.

Why do leaves change color in the fall?

Because they want to leaf their old color.

Normal people: I'm my own nationality.

Michael Jackson: Click here to change nationality.

What’s the best part about putting a baby in a blender feet first?

Watching their expression change.

If Finding Nemo was scientifically correct, Marlin would have changed into a female and mated with Nemo.

How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb? None, they can't change anything.

I am just kidding, you know gay jokes aren't funny, come on guys.

How many people does it take to change a lightbulb underwater? The results are shocking!

Daddy, I really miss you. Mummy changed my name to Tickle Timpson. Anyway, daddy I forgive you for abusing me.

How many redheads does it take to change a lightbulb?

One! She holds the bulb and the world revolves around her.

How do Asians name their babies?

They throw pots and pans around.

"Ching, Chang, Clang!"

These people who are offended by rape jokes don’t even understand humor. They think of humor as like a happy thing because humor makes us laugh and laughter makes us happy, but most of the jokes that we laugh at are filled with pain and suffering. If I take a joke like, how many police officers does it take to change a light bulb? None, they just beat the room for being black. Now that joke isn’t making light of the fact that people have marched in the civil rights movement and people have been racially discriminated against. It’s not making light of those, what it’s doing is it’s taking that pain and suffering and making you transcend it for a moment, and showing the absurdity of the human mind, and that is important. Humor at its best takes the bad things in this world that are painful and hard to deal with and makes it something funny.

And before you go in the comments and say I agree with rape, I don’t. I hope everybody who rapes someone to have their dick cut off. My little sister got fucking raped when she was six, and the guy is lucky he got caught by the police and not me, cause if I caught I would have fucking killed him, so I don’t agree with rape, but I still think rape jokes should still not be taken so seriously!

Quote of the day:

Just one small positive thought in the morning can change your whole day.

[Comment your favorite fall beverage!]

How many Senators fans does it take to change a light bulb?

All 3 of them.

Hockey for life!

Q: What did the stop light say to the other stop light?

A: Stop looking, I’m changing!