Change jokes
When 9/11 happened, we changed our airport policies. When school shootings happen, we haven't changed anything since the shooting at Columbine in 1999. And we say we want the children to be safe.
I was just fine being bisexual... Now I’m gender fluid... great...
What is the difference between climate change and the greenhouse effect, once a philosopher, twice a sodomite?
Why isn't the Moon Emo anymore?
Turns out it was just a phase.
How many kids does it take to change a lightbulb?
Apparently not 27. Because my basement's still dark...
I think we should change Alzheimer’s disease to Joe Biden disease.
What do you call it when a chameleon won't change colors?
A reptile dysfunction.
Before Marriage Boy: At last, I can hardly wait! Girl: Do you want me to leave? Boy: No, don't even think about it! Girl: Do you love me? Boy: Of course, always! Girl: Have you ever cheated on me? Boy: No, why are you asking? Girl: Will you kiss me? Boy: Every chance I get! Girl: Will you slap me? Boy: Hell nah, you crazy!! Girl: Can I trust you? Boy: Yeah girl! Girl: Oh Honeyyy😍
After Marriage Now, read that from the bottom to the top.
I was watching a documentary about how storks carry babies from their previous life to the next.
In his old life, Michael Jackson must’ve been a teddy bear. The storks let him play with kids for a change.
A man who desperately wanted to be good after serving time in prison was visited by an Angel. "You want to change? You can still enter heaven on two conditions. You must bet on the horses with any money you have and pass your winnings to someone less fortunate, and you must never hold on to any beef." The Angel then disappeared.
The man did as was told and became generous and kind. As he emerged from the betting office with all his money, he would pass every penny of it all to a deserving person each and every time.
He, however, couldn't seem to avoid meat and would still eat it no matter what.
When he died, the Angel came back for him.
"But I'm undeserving; I can't come with you," he said.
"Yes, you can," replied the Angel, "you gave all your stake (steak) away."
COBRA GRINDSET OF THE DAY: Depression isn't real. You feel sad, you move on.
You will always be depressed if your life is depressing. Change it, bitch!
What did the green light say to the red light? - Don't look, I'm changing!
What did they do with Michael Jackson when he died?
He got so many plastic surgeries that they melted him down into legos and let kids play with him for a change.
Politicians and diapers have one thing in common.
They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.
How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?
Trick question, feminists don't change anything.
Why did the golfer change his pants? In case he got a hole in one!
I can change a "t" into a "p," just drink it and wait a few hours.
I used to think all Americans were racist.
Now I've changed my mind. They DID elect an orange president.
How do Chinese people name their children?
They throw pots and pans down the stairs and listen for the sounds, "Ching Chong Chang."
How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, because they beat the room for being dark, then arrest the room for being broke.