You: Finds a time clock that can change time
Your friend the next day: Hey, can borrow yo' house
You: No I'm trying to figure out what to do with my TIME
Also you: Changes the time back to 1267 so you don't have to have that friend again
doctor: you need to eat healthy
me: no
doctor: the last patient who didn't change their diet after i suggested it died
me: oh my goodness
doctor: in a plane crash
me: that sounds unrelated
doctor: i'm the one that crashed it. do not disobey me
How many dead slaves does it take to change a lightbulb?
Apparently, more than 6, because my basement is still dark.
I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home. She smiled at me and said yes.
The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked away with her cardboard box.
A man wakes from a coma. His wife changes out of her black clothes and, irritated, remarks, βI really cannot depend on you in anything, can I!
Michael Jackson goes to the doctor
Michael Jackson: Help doctor I've been shot. Doctor: I cant fix that but I can change your skin color so it doesn't happen again
My friend got a sorry excuse for a new hair style, she says "How do you like my new hair style?" Me: I think it's a great idea, when are you getting one?