Celebrity jokes
So one time this really rich guy’s son’s birthday was coming up. So he asks his son what he wants. So the son says, "Can I have pink ping pong balls?" The father asks why, and his son stays silent.
The dad decides to get it for him. The dad doesn’t see the son ever do anything with them. A year later the dad asked him what he wants. The son then says, "Can I have 10,000 pink ping pong balls?" The dad then responds with, "Son, why? I gave you some last year, and this whole year you did not play with them." The son, yet again, stays silent. The Dad was reluctant to do it but did it anyway.
Now a few years later, the son is now 20, and his rich dad and him have not seen each other in a while. So the dad decides to celebrate his son's birthday. He asks his son once again what he wants, and his son says, "Can I have 10,000 pink ping pong balls?" His dad screams, "SON, WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH THESE BALLS!!! I NEVER SEE YOU WITH THEM, AND YET YOU STILL WANT MORE. WHAT THE HELL!!!" The son, yet again, stays silent. The dad, though a little pissed, decides to buy as much of the pink ping pong balls that he sees and gives it to his son. The son is happy but does not do anything.
Now after a while, the son is about 30, and he and the father are more distant than ever. The father gets a call from a hospital telling him that his son could die from a disease that only 2 people survived. So the father goes there and starts crying and grieving. Then he asks his son what he would like before he dies. The son then says, "Can you buy me all of the factories that produce pink ping pong balls?" His dad doesn’t question because he is too sad to and buys him the only factory that produces pink ping pong balls. Then the doctors put him in a wheelchair and follow the dad, and they take him to one of the pink ping pong ball factories, and the dad says, "Okay, son, I fulfilled what you wanted. But what have you done, and what do you plan to do with all of these pink ping pong balls?" The son, ignoring the question, says, "This is magnificent. My final wish is that I stay here overnight."
So the doctors and the father decide to, and everyone goes home to sleep. The next day, everyone returned to the factory to find all the pink ping pong balls gone and the son. The father was sad but a little angry and decided to search his whole house to find pink ping pong balls but doesn’t find any, and they search the whole factory for the son and the balls. And soon they end up searching the whole earth and never found him.
What do you call vampire Matt Damon?
Bat Damon!
How did they know that Princess Diana had dandruff?
They found her head and shoulders in the glove compartment...
How do you wake up Lady Gaga?
Poker Face.
Did you hear about Paul Walker's rap?
Wrapped around that tree.
Bill Cosplay
Chuck Norris doesn't turn on his shower, he just stares at it until it cries.
Yo mama is so stupid, she thinks Bear Grylls is a restaurant.
Your mum is so fat Les Dawson would agree with me that when she passes her handbag from hand to hand, she throws it.
Justin Bieber
I heard that Jimmy Savile never wanted to be famous... All he ever wanted was to settle down, and have kids.
Michael Jackson and Tonya Harding got together back in the day for a horse racing venture. Tonya says, "I'll handle the handicapping, you go ride the 3-year-olds."
A very rich and famous comedian walked into a Russian bar and asked for a vodka, but the bar man (a big fan of his) answered to him: - "This vodka isn't good enough for you." - "If it is good enough for you it is good enough for me!"
Bigfoot is just a normal person who covered himself in Pritt Stick and went down on Susan Boyle.
This one time I said that John Cena looks like crap.
But I realized I can't see him. LOL!
How did Reese eat her cereal? - Witherspoon!
Chuck Norris is a ham weiner.
Chuck Norris is...
What? You don't need to know what he is. He's just, Chuck.
I wank over Rose Watson.
Where would you take Stephen Hawking if he dies, the funeral directors or PC World?