Funny thing happened today, my dad came home from work which is weird cause he’s a suicide bomber.
Boy goes to Confession.
Boy: "What are you doing, father?"
Priest: "It's called masturbation and soon you will be doing it."
Boy: "Why do you say that, father?"
Priest: "'Cause my hand is getting tired."
The teacher asks her class, "What is sex?" and Little Jonny stands up and says, "Sex is the temptation caused by the sensation when a boy sticks his location into a girl's destination. Did you get my explanation or do you need a demonstration?" and the teacher fainted.
Are you a grave, 'cause I want you on me?
Teacher: Johnny, can you use a sentence with "definitely" in it?
Little Johnny: Do farts have lumps in them?
Teacher: Of course not, Johnny.
Little Johnny: Then I’ve definitely shat myself.
Are you suicide, cause you’re always on my mind?
Yo mama's so fat that she doesn't need the internet because she is already worldwide.
Why did the picture go to jail?
Cause it was framed!
Do you want to know why they call it an orphanage? Because they couldn't call it orphans home.
I turned off all the beeping machines in the hospital. I love the peace and quiet, but I don't know why everyone is sleeping cause it's only 8 am.
Urban areas are filled with terrorists, feminists, liberals, and murderers. Which one is not like the others? Murderers because they don't pretend to have a cause.
What's the leading cause of pedophilia? Sexy children.
You're a good soldier Choosing your battles Pick yourself up and dust yourself off and back in the saddle You're on the front line Everyone's watching You know it's serious we're getting closer, this isn't over The pressure is on You feel it But you've got it all Believe it When you fall get up oh oh And if you fall get up oh oh Tsamina mina zangalewa 'Cause this is Africa Tsamina mina eh eh Waka waka eh eh Tsamina mina zangalewa This time for Africa Listen to your God This is our motto Your time to shine don't wait in line y vamos por todo People are raising Their expectations Go on and feed them this is your moment no hesitations Today's your day I feel it You paved the way Believe it If you get down get up oh oh When you get down get up eh eh Tsamina mina zangalewa This time for Africa Tsamina mina eh eh Waka waka eh eh Tsamina mina zangalewa Anawa aa Tsamina mina eh eh Waka waka eh eh Tsamina mina zangalewa This time for Africa Ame la mejole biggi biggi mubbo wa A to Z Asi tsu zala makyuni biggi biggi mubbo from East to West Asi waga waga ma eh eh waga waga ma eh eh Tendency suna tsibuye 'cause this is Africa (Africa, Africa Africa) Tsamina mina, Anawa a a Tsamina mina Tsamina mina, Anawa a a Tsamina mina, eh eh Waka waka, eh eh Tsamina mina zangalewa Anawa a a Tsamina mina, eh eh Waka waka, eh eh Tsamina mina zangalewa This time for Africa Django eh eh Django eh eh Tsamina mina zangalewa Anawa a a Django eh eh Django eh eh Tsamina mina zangalewa Anawa a a This time for Africa This time for Africa We're all Africa We're all Africa
Go fuck yourself, cause I doubt anyone else will. 💅
I'm jealous of your heart because it's pumping in you and I'm not.
Lost my virginity to a down syndrome the other day... only cause I wanted my first time to be special.
We all hear cause we cut ourselves, right? I mean, JK.
My pencil sharpener when I bleed:
And I don't really care how bad it hurts. Cause you broke me first.
I love murder shows... wish me luck cause I'm kinda hoping to be on one one day.
I'm jealous of my LED lights, 'cause they're hanging from the ceiling and I'm not.
