Gf: "You are a drug."
Bf: "Why, cause you are addicted to me?"
Gf: "No, because you are number one most wanted in Montana."
Teacher: What's your favorite animal?
Me: Desert Eagle.
Teacher: Why?
Me: 'Cause it fits in my backpack.
How many hookers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One, cause they'll screw anything.
Why do dwarfs hate fast food restaurants? Cause most of them have medium and large.
Son: Dad, Dad, OMG, OMG, OMG, OMG!!!!!!!
Dad: What's wrong? Are you OK?!
Son: Mia asked me out on a date on February 30th!
Dad: 'Cause there's no February 30th?
Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack could lick Jill’s candy, but Jack got a shock and a mouth full of cock ‘cause Jill’s real name is Randy.
Yes, this joke is stolen.
Teacher: Why did the skeleton know the weather outside?
Student: 'Cause he could feel it in his bones.
Teacher: No, he read the weather report, you fucking idiot.
What did the orphan say to his parents? Nothing, cause they left him.
Why can't Asians make a white baby?
Cause two wongs don't make a white.
Why did the orange go blind? Because he was low on vitamin C.
Why were the Twin Towers mad? Because they ordered pepperoni but instead they got... Plane.
Q: There were two tampons walking down the road the other day. Guess what they said to each other?
A: Nothing, 'cause they're both stuck-up cunts.
Why do we tell actors to break a leg?
Cause every play has a cast.
I told a crippled guy he is immortal because he can't kick the bucket.
Why can't orphans work at McDonald's? Because they call their employees family.
Is that a mirror in your pants? Cause I can see myself inside them.
Are you a keyboard? Cause you're my type.
Why don't Mexicans cross the border in groups of 3? Cause the sign says "No Trespassing."
Why do orphans play a lot of tennis?
Cause that's the only way they get love.
Are you electricity? 'Cause I wanna get a bath with you ;)
