Gf: "You are a drug."
Bf: "Why, cause you are addicted to me?"
Gf: "No, because you are number one most wanted in Montana."
Teacher: What's your favorite animal?
Me: Desert Eagle.
Teacher: Why?
Me: 'Cause it fits in my backpack.
Why do dwarfs hate fast food restaurants? Cause most of them have medium and large.
How many hookers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One, cause they'll screw anything.
Son: Dad, Dad, OMG, OMG, OMG, OMG!!!!!!!
Dad: What's wrong? Are you OK?!
Son: Mia asked me out on a date on February 30th!
Dad: 'Cause there's no February 30th?
Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack could lick Jill’s candy, but Jack got a shock and a mouth full of cock ‘cause Jill’s real name is Randy.
Yes, this joke is stolen.
Teacher: Why did the skeleton know the weather outside?
Student: 'Cause he could feel it in his bones.
Teacher: No, he read the weather report, you fucking idiot.
Why can't Asians make a white baby?
Cause two wongs don't make a white.
What did the orphan say to his parents? Nothing, cause they left him.
Why were the Twin Towers mad? Because they ordered pepperoni but instead they got... Plane.
Why did the orange go blind? Because he was low on vitamin C.
Q: There were two tampons walking down the road the other day. Guess what they said to each other?
A: Nothing, 'cause they're both stuck-up cunts.
I told a crippled guy he is immortal because he can't kick the bucket.
Why can't orphans work at McDonald's? Because they call their employees family.
Is that a mirror in your pants? Cause I can see myself inside them.
Why do we tell actors to break a leg?
Cause every play has a cast.
Are you a keyboard? Cause you're my type.
Why don't Mexicans cross the border in groups of 3? Cause the sign says "No Trespassing."
Hey, are you a terrorist? 'Cause I rate you 9/11.
Why do orphans play a lot of tennis?
Cause that's the only way they get love.
