Standup jokes
*walks into a comedy night club* Owner: "You're doing standup tonight, right?" Noob Joker (you): "Yes, I am!" Owner: "Get onto the stage." Me: *walks up stage* Owner: "This is the standup comedian noobpro." Me: "Hey guys, how about some Donald Trump?" Crowd: *RUNS*
One day a teacher stands up in front of her class and asks if anyone in the class is an idiot, and says that if there is one, then he/she should stand up.
After a minute, a boy stands up.
The teacher then asks the boy if he actually thinks he's an idiot.
The boy says, "No, I just didn't want to see you standing there all by yourself."
Why did Steven Hawking only tell one-liners?
Because he couldn't do standup.
Yo man, stand up.
*short person stands*
No, seriously man, stand up!
Can a person in a wheelchair stand up for themselves?
There are 4 people in a line. Three stand up and say "We are standing up for cancer," and then there's the one in the wheelchair.
How can a guy do stand up comedy in a wheelchair?
What makes a healthy normal man different to a disabled man?
"I'm still standing, yeah, yeah, yeah!" (from Elton John)
Why does Stephen Hawking do one liners?
Because he can't do standup.