Standup jokes

One day a teacher stands up in front of her class and asks if anyone in the class is an idiot, and says that if there is one, then he/she should stand up.

After a minute, a boy stands up.

The teacher then asks the boy if he actually thinks he's an idiot.

The boy says, "No, I just didn't want to see you standing there all by yourself."

Why did Steven Hawking only tell one-liners?

Because he couldn't do standup.

Why does Stephen Hawking do one liners?

Because he can't do standup.

*walks into a comedy night club* Owner: "You're doing standup tonight, right?" Noob Joker (you): "Yes, I am!" Owner: "Get onto the stage." Me: *walks up stage* Owner: "This is the standup comedian noobpro." Me: "Hey guys, how about some Donald Trump?" Crowd: *RUNS*

Leave a like down below if you think Stephen Hawking should stand for the National Anthem.

Why can't disabled people make jokes?

Well, it's called Stand-Up comedy, isn't it?

Men wake up with a boner.

Women wake up yawning.

Coincidence?

"Chuck? How many push-ups can you do?" -- "All of them."

Jack and Jill went up the hill each with a buck and a quarter. Jill came down with $2.50 and Jack came down smiling.