Card Jokes

The KING took a shit on the craps table at the casino

The QUEEN took a shit at the poker table it was a ROYAL FLUSH

My credit card is more declined the the love from my dad

What does this joke and half a deck of cards have in common?

You can't even deal with it!

The Ace of Spades was Hippy Flipping

Someone glued my deck of cards together. I don't know how to deal with it.

guy: Are you a vending machine? because your a snack. girl: Your card got declined. guy: Thats ok you got to bang them a few times to get you moneys worth.

Two lepers playing cards... one threw his hand in; the other laughed his head off

I did have a good time today I did

If you die a virgin, then where does your v-card go? Does it go with you to the grave or does your mortician take it from you?

your mum lolololollollollololollolololllol find her reboot card lmfao lolololol

How do you keep a bull from charging? You take its credit card away

knok knok whos there? boo boo who? Awww dont cry

Why can't you play Uno with Mexicans? They steal all the green cards.

Why is a deck of cards similar to a miniature pony? They are both jokers.

what do crows use when they get a phone? a CAWing card!

Two friends who've been bros for forever see each other in Wal-Mart in the card section. The first guy asks what he got his wife for her birthday. The second guy tells him he got her a Maserati and a card. The first guy tells him he got his wife a card and a dildo for her birthday. The second guy asks why he got his wife a dildo for her birthday. The first guy says, "If she doesn't like the card I got her, then she can go fuck herself!"