I have to say my humor isn't the best, but I'll give this a go.
My science teacher always reminded us about kilometers per second. Now I want to kilometer per second.
You know those credit card inserters at Walgreens? I want to insert my credit card on my wrist.
I'll shut up now.
Why do animals have playing cards with foxes?
Because they’re a bunch of cheetahs!
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Boo.
Boo who?
Awww, don't cry!
What is a card carrying lesbian feminist?
A carpet muncher who is a card carrying member of the National Organization For Women.
The king took a shit on the craps table at the casino.
Everyone at the Queen's funeral:
Me and the boys getting her reboot card.
The QUEEN took a shit at the poker table. It was a ROYAL FLUSH.
Why did the rapper refuse to play cards?
Because he was tired of dealing with all the jokers.
Why shouldn’t you play cards in Africa?
'Cause there’s too many cheetahs.
For those of you greener than a Mexican's card when it comes to this website, it's darker than the unemployment line.
You're so poor, you like postcards for food.
I went to a funeral to revive my dead grandmother with the Reboot Card, but my family was upset!
I got carded at a liquor store, and my Blockbuster card accidentally fell out. The cashier said, "Never mind."
Why are Mexicans good at Uno?
They always steal the green card.
Why are hindustan bhai so good at Python?
When they are hungry, they use Python and take credit card information ;). You know what they say, you give a man a curry and he eats for a day, you give a man a language and he eats for a lifetime.
They say the only curves Daveon likes are on his credit card statements.
Why can't you play poker in the jungle? Because there are too many cheetahs!
Two boys were playing cards on a picnic table outside the school. Both of the boys had revolvers hidden in their waistband.
Now, one of the boys was a notorious cheater, who liked to hide his cards in his waistband. Recess was just about to end, when all the kids heard a loud bang erupt from the picnic table. In tears, the card player admitted that he had shot the other card player, stating "I played a King, and he started reaching for his waistband!"
When the card declines on child insurance.
The Ace of Spades was Hippy Flipping.
