Card jokes
What card is the slowest and slimiest?
Ace-nail.
My favorite bartender serves drinks so strong, he gives a "get well soon" card with each one of them!
Life is like a game of poker, guys start by going with them clubs, ladies follow with a set of hearts, guys put down the diamonds, and before you know it you got a full house.
Why did the credit card go to jail?
'Cuz it was guilty as charged!
Okay, 19 dollar Fortnite card. Who wants it?
And yes, I’m giving it away. Remember: Share, share, share! And trolls: Don’t get BLOCKED!
Who laughs last, laughs best.
I have to say my humor isn't the best, but I'll give this a go.
My science teacher always reminded us about kilometers per second. Now I want to kilometer per second.
You know those credit card inserters at Walgreens? I want to insert my credit card on my wrist.
I'll shut up now.
Why do animals have playing cards with foxes?
Because they’re a bunch of cheetahs!
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Boo.
Boo who?
Awww, don't cry!
The king took a shit on the craps table at the casino.
What is a card carrying lesbian feminist?
A carpet muncher who is a card carrying member of the National Organization For Women.
What's the best card in Clash Royale?
The Credit Card.
Why did the rapper refuse to play cards?
Because he was tired of dealing with all the jokers.
The QUEEN took a shit at the poker table. It was a ROYAL FLUSH.
Everyone at the Queen's funeral:
Me and the boys getting her reboot card.
They say the only curves Daveon likes are on his credit card statements.
Why can't you play poker in the jungle? Because there are too many cheetahs!
I went to a funeral to revive my dead grandmother with the Reboot Card, but my family was upset!
Why are Mexicans good at Uno?
They always steal the green card.
You're so poor, you like postcards for food.
For those of you greener than a Mexican's card when it comes to this website, it's darker than the unemployment line.