Card jokes

A teacher asks her class, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” Little Johnny says “I wanna be a billionaire, going to the most expensive clubs, take the best b*tch with me, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Hawaii, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel through Europe, an Infinite Visa Card and to make love to her three times a day.”

The teacher, shocked, and not knowing what to do with the bad behavior of the child, decides not to give importance to what he said and then continues the lesson. “And you, Susie?” the teacher asks. Susie says “I wanna be Johnny’s b*tch.”

If you die a virgin, then where does your v-card go? Does it go with you to the grave, or does your mortician take it from you?

Q: Why can't the orphan buy Robux?

A: He could not use his mother's credit card.

One day I was with my mom and we had no money on the credit card, and we live far, and my mom was hungry.

A guy and his friend had a car and asked us if we were lost. We said no, we have no ride, no money, and my mom is hungry. So the guy would take us for a blowjob each, so I was driving the car and my mom gave both guys a blowjob. We had to get out of the car to look for something, then the two guys went in the car and told us we got bad news and good news. I asked what the bad news was. They said that they're not taking us home, so I asked what the good news was. They told me that they fed my mom and drove off. I guess where they left us wasn't a long walk and my mom wasn't hungry anymore.

Why can’t orphans play poker? Because they don’t know what a full house is.

How come lepers don't play cards?

Well, if they lose a couple of hands...

I heard that the numbers on the front of your credit card represent the number of minutes until you meet the 💕 love of your life!💕

And the 3 numbers on the back represent the month and day you make it official!!

Comment those numbers to lock it in!!😄

Why can orphans not play bingo?

Because they can't get a full house.

If you mixed the Iraq wheat scandal with the basics card paying other people's dole to your wife and tumble dried it in a royal commission that made your priestly mates look bad, what would you get?

Tony Abbott's career.

I played Uno with my Mexican friend.

That bastard took all the green cards!

What is a photographer's favorite card game?

SNAP!

Yo, if Russia comes to the USA, just know their reboot cards don't expire.

I bought this happy birthday card for this orphan.

To: The Orphan

From: ______

Your hairline was playing Sorry!

Pulled the wrong card and moved back five spaces.

"Abracadabra! Alacuzam! See that woman? She’s now a man."

"After the man got some sun, I turned this banana into a gun! Now look! I now have your phone, Apple Watch, and your credit card!"

Q: What are cheetahs?

A: The worst card players!

Why shouldn’t you play cards in Africa?

'Cause there’s too many cheetahs.

My favorite bartender serves drinks so strong, he gives a "get well soon" card with each one of them!

Life is like a game of poker, guys start by going with them clubs, ladies follow with a set of hearts, guys put down the diamonds, and before you know it you got a full house.

What card is the slowest and slimiest?

Ace-nail.