Card jokes

That poor kid, he was fine until I bought him a mother's day card for his mum. The second he saw it, he burst out crying...

How come lepers don't play cards?

Well, if they lose a couple of hands...

Got my girlfriend a "get better soon" card. She's not sick, I just think she can do better.

I bought this happy birthday card for this orphan.

To: The Orphan

From: ______

Why can't pirates play cards in the jungle?

Too many cheetahs.

Why are Mexicans good at Uno?

They always steal the green card.

What did the adopted poker player say?

"Will you raise me?"

Yo mama so slutty the abortion clinic gave her a loyalty card and coupon for 20% off her next abortion.

Your mum lolololollollollololollolololllol! Find her reboot card lmfao lolololol.

The king took a shit on the craps table at the casino.

Okay, 19 dollar Fortnite card. Who wants it?

And yes, I’m giving it away. Remember: Share, share, share! And trolls: Don’t get BLOCKED!

If Stephen Hawking had a FIFA card, he would have 99 dribble.

I kicked a ball into someone. Now I got a red card.

I got carded at a liquor store, and my Blockbuster card accidentally fell out. The cashier said, "Never mind."

Trump, must I say more?

Why do people not play Uno with Mexicans? Because they are always stealing the green cards.

Guy: Are you a vending machine? Because you're a snack.

Girl: Your card got declined.

Guy: That's ok, you got to bang them a few times to get you money's worth.

The QUEEN took a shit at the poker table. It was a ROYAL FLUSH.

Someone glued my deck of cards together. I don't know how to deal with it.

What is a photographer's favorite card game?

SNAP!