New Card Jokes

Yo mama so slutty the abortion clinic gave her a loyalty card and coupon for 20% off her next abortion.

An ICE agent tells a Mexican that he can get his green card if he can use green, pink, and yellow correctly in a sentence. The Mexican thinks for a minute and says, "My phone goes green, green, and I pink it up and say yellow."

One day, little Johnny woke up to get a drink of water. He passed by his parents' bedroom and noticed sheets bouncing. He asked his dad what he was doing. He said, "Playing cards." Little Johnny said, "Who is your partner?" Dad said, "Your mom." On his way up, he passed by his sister's room and noticed sheets bouncing around and asked what she’s doing. She said, "Playing cards with my boyfriend, Paul." The next day, Dad came to ask Johnny a question. The father noticed Johnny was still in bed and asked him what he was doing. He saw the sheet bouncing and asked Johnny what he was doing. He said, "Playing cards." His dad asked him who his partner was. Little Johnny said, "You don’t need a partner if you have a good hand."

Why don’t butts ever win at cards?

Too many farts!

Why did the rapper refuse to play cards?

Because he was tired of dealing with all the jokers.

They say the only curves Daveon likes are on his credit card statements.

quizlet.com/211392116/nc-math-2-honors-end-of-year-test-study-guide-flash-cards/

What is a card carrying lesbian feminist?

A carpet muncher who is a card carrying member of the National Organization For Women.

One day I was with my mom and we had no money on the credit card, and we live far, and my mom was hungry.

A guy and his friend had a car and asked us if we were lost. We said no, we have no ride, no money, and my mom is hungry. So the guy would take us for a blowjob each, so I was driving the car and my mom gave both guys a blowjob. We had to get out of the car to look for something, then the two guys went in the car and told us we got bad news and good news. I asked what the bad news was. They said that they're not taking us home, so I asked what the good news was. They told me that they fed my mom and drove off. I guess where they left us wasn't a long walk and my mom wasn't hungry anymore.

What is a yellow dog Libertarian?

A yellow dog Libertarian is a Libertarian who is blindly loyal to the Libertarian Party, he or she who is a yellow dog Libertarian is a card carrying member of the Libertarian Party who would not vote for a progressive Democrat or a conservative Republican even if their life depended on it! 🐕 🗽

Q: What are cheetahs?

A: The worst card players!

Someone glued my deck of cards together. I don't know how to deal with it.

You're so poor, you like postcards for food.

For those of you greener than a Mexican's card when it comes to this website, it's darker than the unemployment line.

How is sex like a game of bridge?

If you have a great hand, you don’t need a partner.

Why shouldn’t you play cards in Africa?

'Cause there’s too many cheetahs.

If you mixed the Iraq wheat scandal with the basics card paying other people's dole to your wife and tumble dried it in a royal commission that made your priestly mates look bad, what would you get?

Tony Abbott's career.