Car jokes
Why did the dog cross the road?
It didn't. Got hit by a car on the way to the other side.
How does Stephen Hawking get clean?
He uses Tesco car wash.
As the car crashed, someone said, "I see a light!"
If blind people could play go-kart, it very quickly turns into bumper cars.
Stacy: Honey, I'm kinda new to texting, what does lol mean?
Justin: I'm not sure, "lots of love," I guess.
Margaret: Stacy, are you there? I don't know if you heard, but Amber and her three kids were killed in a car crash this morning. I'm in total shock!
Stacy: lol
There was a kid and a historian in a museum about WW2 and were looking at Hitler in a car doing the Nazi salute. The kid said, “Why is he putting his arm in the air?” The historian said, “Indicators on cars didn’t exist back then so he’s probably saying take the Third Reich!”
Stig
I braced myself when I got in the car, but then I realized my wife wasn't driving.
Bored? Run over an orphan with your car! What are they going to do, tell their nonexistent parents?
Your forehead [is] so big scientists measured it, studied it, and then finally they said: "Oh my God... your forehead is so big it's a 50 mile car ride from your eyebrows to your hair!"
Kid: Hey, Mum, why are we pushing the car off the cliff?
Mum: Shut up, son, you’ll wake your father!
Your mama is such a hoe! It took her 4 attempts to pass her driving test. She couldn't get used to the front seat.
I’m going back to the house to get some stuff for my dad, and then I’m going to have a car and a birthday party come up for the weekend at the end of the week. I was going to get my birthday cake for the day.
Why was Elon Musk unable to land a job as a television host at NBC?
His own car cannot catch up with Jay Leno's Corvette!
Who's Paul Walker's close friend?
Tree.
A: Why did Sally fall off the swing?
B: Why?
A: Because she has no arms.
Knock, knock.
B: Who's there?
A: Not Sally.
Joe was eating ice cream while walking on the street. He dropped his ice cream. Why?
B: I don't know, why?
A: Because Sally was driving the car.
What plate do you need to eat in a car? A license plate!
My dad seen RuPaul's Drag Race?
Asked when will they do up the cars!
What's the difference between when I opened the window in a car wash and when Kawhi Leonard did it? At least my dad didn't get shot in the eye.
I got a GTR yesterday, now my kids say, "GTR we there yet?"