Car jokes
Here's a list of puns, not all of them are mine.
1. Smaller babies may be delivered by stork, but the heavier ones need a crane.
2. Yesterday, I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I’m okay, but I feel like I’ve dyed a little inside.
3. My sister bet that I couldn’t build a car out of spaghetti. You should’ve seen her face when I drove pasta.
4. Getting the ability to fly would be so uplifting.
5. Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favorite kind of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”
6. Why was the cookie sad? Because his mom was a wafer long!
7. Why didn’t the cat go to the vet? He was feline fine!
8. How do you make a good egg-roll? You push it down a hill!
9. That baseball player was such a bad sport. He stole third base and then just went home!
10. My parents said I can’t drink coffee anymore. Or else they’ll ground me!
Your hairline goes so far back that cars on a highway don't know which way to turn.
A bus full of nuns die in a car crash and end up at the pearly gates where Saint Peter greets them, "Hello sisters, welcome to heaven. Before you enter, I must ask you all a question." He asks the first nun, "Have you ever touched a penis?" Well, she said, "Just once, with the tip of my little finger." "Ok, dip it in the holy water and you can enter." He repeats the question to the second nun. Well, she says, "I might of held one once." "Ok," says St. Peter, "wash your hands in the holy water and you can enter." Just then, there's a commotion down the line. One nun is trying to push in front of another. St. Peter says, "Sister Susan, there is no rush, you will get in." "That's fine," she replies, "but if I have to gargle that stuff, I want to get in before Sister Mary sticks her arse in it."
What excuse can you use if you find out your date is a rape victim and you don't want the baggage?
Say you've parked your car in a bad spot and are just going to move it, then move your car all the way back to your home address.
"How was your day?"
"It was great."
"What was so great about it?"
"I saw a puppy."
"Awww."
"And I ran over it :)"
Why don't dwarfs have cars?
Because they can't get in the door.
What gets hard when tugged and fits perfectly in between boobs... A seatbelt.
What did the frog do when his car broke down?
It was toad.
What’s the difference between a Mercedes and a Skoda?
Princess Di wouldn’t be seen dead in the back of a Skoda...
Why did the frog take the bus to work today?
His car got toad away.
Apple tried to make a car, but it had no windows ;)
Why was the computer late for work?
He had a hard drive.
What’s big and black on the road?
What’s got 4 wheels, does a barrel roll, and goes from green to red in seconds?
Kermit in a car crash.
I don't have a carbon footprint; I just drive everywhere.
What actor does an orphan hate?
Vin Diesel.
Did you hear about the crime in the parking garage? It was wrong on so many levels.
I hit something when I pulled into my driveway.
And then I noticed that my cat was missing.
Potatoes
Alcoholics don't run in my family, they drive.