Car jokes

What's the difference between Paul Walker and a fly? It's the sound they make when they hit the windshield.

What’s the difference between a Mercedes and a Skoda?

Princess Di wouldn’t be seen dead in the back of a Skoda...

Why was the computer late for work?

He had a hard drive.

What’s big and black on the road?

Here’s one for the Aussies: What’s the difference between an echidna and a police car? All the pricks are on the inside.

What’s got 4 wheels, does a barrel roll, and goes from green to red in seconds?

Kermit in a car crash.

Did you hear about the crime in the parking garage? It was wrong on so many levels.

I don't have a carbon footprint; I just drive everywhere.

What actor does an orphan hate?

Vin Diesel.

I hit something when I pulled into my driveway.

And then I noticed that my cat was missing.

Someone complimented my parking today! They left a sweet note on my windshield that said, “Parking fine.”

What is the difference between runners and my car?

My car is still running.

I was excited to hear Apple might start selling its own cars until I learned they wouldn’t support Windows.

What does an Asian say when his car tires burst on the highway?

"Some Ting Wheely Wong!"

Blind people driving on the highway would be the world's biggest, and shortest game of bumper cars!

Why can't gays drive faster than 68 mph?

Because at 69 they blow a rod.

What's the difference between COVID and 9/11?

I've never heard of someone dying in a car accident, and the media blaming it on 9/11.

Potatoes

Yo momma's teeth so yellow, when she smiled at traffic, all the cars slowed down.

Alcoholics don't run in my family, they drive.