Car jokes
Why did the suicidal man walk in front of the car? To get to the other side.
I really like those "driverless cars." I saw loads of them last week in the car park.
Why does Kurt Cobain hate his brother?
Because he's always calling shotgun.
Did you hear about Alicia's car accident?
She was really drunk and all over the road until she was all over the road.
What’s got 4 wheels, does a barrel roll, and goes from green to red in seconds?
Kermit in a car crash.
If a furry looks like an animal, sounds like animal, and acts like an animal, can I run over it with my car like an animal?
How many hookers fit in a Cadillac?
About 4 in the trunk if you stack 'em right.
A blonde starts a new job at a local car dealership when a wealthy gentleman comes in looking for a spacious car for his large family. The blonde is excited as she gets commission, so eagerly shows him the most expensive SUVs.
The gentleman has a good look around before saying to the blonde, "It looks perfect.... But cargo space?" To which she instantly replied, "Oh, I'm sorry, sir, car only for road."
Why did the chicken cro-
UM, ACTUALLY, THE CHICKEN CAN'T CROSS THE ROAD UNLESS IT'S UNDER SOME ROOSTER OR HEN SUPERVISION OR ELSE THE CAR WILL CRASH THE CHICKEN, AND THEY WILL DIE. 🤓
You could say Japanese car fans and ancient Egyptians are alike—they both worship Datsun.
I got so drunk with the guys yesterday that when the Uber driver asked how many drinks I had, I said, "Yes."
A man crashed his new expensive car into a tree. He now knew how the Mercedes bends.
Today is sad. My sister got hit by a car, and I lost my license as a driver.
What's the difference between a blonde and a car door? The harder you slam the blonde, the looser it gets.
Your mama is so fat that she doesn't get crushed by cars, she crushes cars and babies in strollers on the sidewalk when she falls and doesn't see any remains, so there is no evidence.
A guy stole my car last night. Before dialing 911 I thought, "Fuck it. Let him explain the dead bodies in the trunk."
A truck carrying Vicks VapoRub overturned on the highway. Amazingly, there was no congestion for eight hours straight.
What do you call a down syndrome person that was hit by a car?
Mash potato.
You know that feeling when you're going through a school parking lot and go over a speed bump, then you realize that there are no speed bumps?
Someone complimented my parking today! They left a sweet note on my windshield that said, “Parking fine.”