Car jokes
What's the difference between Stephen and a car? A car loses oil, Stephen loses the ability to walk.
What are the wedding vows of a suicide bomber?
Til death do we park.
So I was in the car with my mom one time and we always joke about me being adopted (I am not), and Michael Jackson's song "Billie Jean" sounds like my name, and so my mom says, as the song is playing, "(My name) is not my daughter, she's just a girl who claims that I am her mum." Wow. *applauds for mother* Love you momma =)
Twinkle, twinkle, there’s a car Coming like a shooting star.
I will stand in the way. I will not be seen again. Are you happy I am dead? Now you made it to the end.
How many babies does it take to paint wheels red?
It depends on your speed.
So I gave a disabled kid hot wheels. I mean cars, no I gave him literal hot wheels!
A guy stole my car last night. Before dialing 911 I thought, "Fuck it. Let him explain the dead bodies in the trunk."
Why do orphans play with other kids on a playground?
So they will sneak into their parents' car to be a brother or sister.
The average French car has 7 gears, 6 of which are in reverse mode just in case the Germans come back.
I made a bet with my friend that I couldn’t create a working car with spaghetti.
You should have seen her face when I drove pasta! 😂
1950: In the future there will be flying cars.
2018: Pewdiepie shuts down Shane Dawson.
Why do the orphans fuck in their cars?
Because they don't know what a home is.
What is a dog that you can drive?
A big doggy car.
One day a father went out for some cold beer and threw the 18 pack in the back seat on top of the infant in the car seat. Fortunately, it was light beer.
When I called the suicidal hotline in Iraq, they asked if I could drive the car.
How do you take care of all the babies you just crushed with your car?
Open a pizza shop 🍕
Why did the frog take the train to work? His car got toad.
So I was asleep and woke up and went to work. My wife left already to her job. I was driving my car and ran over someone. I woke up in my bed, realized it was all a dream.
20 minutes later I got a phone call that my wife got hit by a car.
What’s red and goes 100 miles per hour?
Babies in a blender.
What car does Hitler drive?
A Fuhrerri.