Car jokes

Imagine someone leaving a cut-out of Jeff Bezos on your car after you found out your blind bf cheated on you, and the McDonald's employee says over the speaker, "Weren't expecting him to see other hoes were you?"

What were Paul Walker's last words?

I dk probably "WATCH THE FUCKING TREE!"

Why did the polack lock himself out of his car?

Because his keys were inside of the ignition.

What's the difference between Paul Walker and a fly? It's the sound they make when they hit the windshield.

A guy tried to suffocate himself with his BMW exhaust, but his engine failed.

This is the first time German engineering fails to gas someone.

My wife told me I could never, ever build a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta!

Has anybody heard of the guy who passed out in the middle of oncoming traffic? Yeah, he was tired.

Why did the leper fail his driving test?

He left his foot on the clutch.

One day a truck driver had a truck full of squirrels. A police officer said, "Sir, I'm going to need you to take these squirrels to the zoo." The driver did so and left. The next day the driver was back, but this time the squirrels were wearing sunglasses. The officer said, "I thought I told you to take these squirrels to the zoo." The driver said, "I did. Today I'm taking them to the beach."

Who is more loyal: a dog or a wife?

Well, lock them both in your trunk for two hours and drive around and see which one is happy to see you.

I love taking my daughter out in the car. Every time we go over a speed bump, I tell her we ran over another dog. 😂

Did you hear about Paul Walker's rap?

Wrapped around that tree.

What was the last thing that crossed Princess Diana's mind?

The steering wheel.

I remember Grandpa's last words, "Oh, shit! It's in drive!"

What color is your Bugatti?

A man hits a woman with his car. Whose fault was it?

The man, why was he driving in the kitchen?

One day a father went out for some cold beer and threw the 18 pack in the back seat on top of the infant in the car seat. Fortunately, it was light beer.

I made a website for orphans. It doesn’t have a home page.

What’s the difference between a Lamborghini and a dead body? I don’t have a Lamborghini in my garage.

What is the difference between Iron Man and Iron Woman? One is a superhero and the other is a simple command.

What's the difference between a Lambo and a pile of dead babies?

I don't have a Lambo in my garage.

Why did the frog take the train to work? His car got toad.