Car jokes

What is the difference between women and cars?

At least one of them retained their value after getting wrecked.

What's a terrorist's favorite car? A Porsche 9/11.

Husband: “Honey, what’s the difference between a Ferrari and an erection?”

Wife: “ok... what is it?”

Husband: “I don’t have a Ferrari right now.”

Two guys in a car get pulled over by a cop. The cop taps the window, and the window rolls down. "Good evening, gentlemen, we're looking for two pedophiles."

The guy quickly closes the window. Ten seconds later, he lowers it again and says, "Ok, we'll do it."

I got fired from my paramedic job on the first day. I told an eight-year-old who lost his leg in a car accident to "walk it off."

I’ll never forget my father’s last words to me just before he died: “Are you sure you fixed the brakes?”

What’s the difference between women and cars?

At least cars retain some of their value after getting wrecked.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Because he got hit by a car.

Why did the leper fail his driving test?

He left his foot on the clutch.

One day a truck driver had a truck full of squirrels. A police officer said, "Sir, I'm going to need you to take these squirrels to the zoo." The driver did so and left. The next day the driver was back, but this time the squirrels were wearing sunglasses. The officer said, "I thought I told you to take these squirrels to the zoo." The driver said, "I did. Today I'm taking them to the beach."

Who is more loyal: a dog or a wife?

Well, lock them both in your trunk for two hours and drive around and see which one is happy to see you.

I love taking my daughter out in the car. Every time we go over a speed bump, I tell her we ran over another dog. 😂

Did you hear about Paul Walker's rap?

Wrapped around that tree.

What was the last thing that crossed Princess Diana's mind?

The steering wheel.

I remember Grandpa's last words, "Oh, shit! It's in drive!"

A man hits a woman with his car. Whose fault was it?

The man, why was he driving in the kitchen?

What color is your Bugatti?

One day a father went out for some cold beer and threw the 18 pack in the back seat on top of the infant in the car seat. Fortunately, it was light beer.

I made a website for orphans. It doesn’t have a home page.

What’s the difference between a Lamborghini and a dead body? I don’t have a Lamborghini in my garage.

What is the difference between Iron Man and Iron Woman? One is a superhero and the other is a simple command.

What's the difference between a Lambo and a pile of dead babies?

I don't have a Lambo in my garage.