Car jokes

My wife told me I could never, ever build a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta!

What's the difference between Paul Walker and a fly? It's the sound they make when they hit the windshield.

My wife told me to treat her like a princess, so I got drunk and drove through the tunnel.

My bumper sticker says: "👋FORMER BABY ON BOARD."

Why do sisters have to be in a relationship? Because you don’t have to worry about your car.

If Hitler was in a car doing his salute, he would be saying, "Take the third right."

Has anybody heard of the guy who passed out in the middle of oncoming traffic? Yeah, he was tired.

I was at my grandparents' and saw someone breaking into a car. I told my grandpa, "He's trying to break into the car!" He said, "No, ours is in the garden."

What were Paul Walker's last words?

I dk probably "WATCH THE FUCKING TREE!"

Imagine someone leaving a cut-out of Jeff Bezos on your car after you found out your blind bf cheated on you, and the McDonald's employee says over the speaker, "Weren't expecting him to see other hoes were you?"

Here’s one for the Aussies: What’s the difference between an echidna and a police car? All the pricks are on the inside.

An Eskimo was holidaying in New Zealand and while driving his rented car around the countryside it broke down. A bloke passing by offered to help, lifted the bonnet and said, "I know your problem, you blew a seal."

The Eskimo with a shocked expression retorted, "Yeah? Well you fuck sheep!"

Why did the leper fail his driving test?

He left his foot on the clutch.

One day a truck driver had a truck full of squirrels. A police officer said, "Sir, I'm going to need you to take these squirrels to the zoo." The driver did so and left. The next day the driver was back, but this time the squirrels were wearing sunglasses. The officer said, "I thought I told you to take these squirrels to the zoo." The driver said, "I did. Today I'm taking them to the beach."

Who is more loyal: a dog or a wife?

Well, lock them both in your trunk for two hours and drive around and see which one is happy to see you.

I love taking my daughter out in the car. Every time we go over a speed bump, I tell her we ran over another dog. 😂

Did you hear about Paul Walker's rap?

Wrapped around that tree.

I remember Grandpa's last words, "Oh, shit! It's in drive!"

What was the last thing that crossed Princess Diana's mind?

The steering wheel.

A man hits a woman with his car. Whose fault was it?

The man, why was he driving in the kitchen?