Car jokes

Has anybody heard of the guy who passed out in the middle of oncoming traffic? Yeah, he was tired.

Levon Aronian's wife died in a car crash. That's wheelie unfortunate.

Husband: “Honey, what’s the difference between a Ferrari and an erection?”

Wife: “ok... what is it?”

Husband: “I don’t have a Ferrari right now.”

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Because he got hit by a car.

Why did the leper fail his driving test?

He left his foot on the clutch.

One day a truck driver had a truck full of squirrels. A police officer said, "Sir, I'm going to need you to take these squirrels to the zoo." The driver did so and left. The next day the driver was back, but this time the squirrels were wearing sunglasses. The officer said, "I thought I told you to take these squirrels to the zoo." The driver said, "I did. Today I'm taking them to the beach."

What do world hunger and a Mercedes have in common?

Princess Diana couldn't stop both of them.

Q: What do you call a pigeon that is full of poop that flies in front of a car?

A: A suicide bomber.

Who is more loyal: a dog or a wife?

Well, lock them both in your trunk for two hours and drive around and see which one is happy to see you.

I love taking my daughter out in the car. Every time we go over a speed bump, I tell her we ran over another dog. 😂

Did you hear about Paul Walker's rap?

Wrapped around that tree.

What was the last thing that crossed Princess Diana's mind?

The steering wheel.

What color is your Bugatti?

A man hits a woman with his car. Whose fault was it?

The man, why was he driving in the kitchen?

One day a father went out for some cold beer and threw the 18 pack in the back seat on top of the infant in the car seat. Fortunately, it was light beer.

I made a website for orphans. It doesn’t have a home page.

What’s the difference between a Lamborghini and a dead body? I don’t have a Lamborghini in my garage.

What is the difference between Iron Man and Iron Woman? One is a superhero and the other is a simple command.

What's the difference between a Lambo and a pile of dead babies?

I don't have a Lambo in my garage.

I just came across a pile of cash in the parking lot.

Usually I just use tissues.

What did the cat say when he took his new car for a test drive?

"Meoooow!"

Why can't Helen Keller drive?

Because she is a girl.