Car jokes
I got fired from my paramedic job on the first day. I told an eight-year-old who lost his leg in a car accident to "walk it off."
I was at my grandparents' and saw someone breaking into a car. I told my grandpa, "He's trying to break into the car!" He said, "No, ours is in the garden."
Husband: “Honey, what’s the difference between a Ferrari and an erection?”
Wife: “ok... what is it?”
Husband: “I don’t have a Ferrari right now.”
Two guys in a car get pulled over by a cop. The cop taps the window, and the window rolls down. "Good evening, gentlemen, we're looking for two pedophiles."
The guy quickly closes the window. Ten seconds later, he lowers it again and says, "Ok, we'll do it."
What's a terrorist's favorite car? A Porsche 9/11.
What is the difference between women and cars?
At least one of them retained their value after getting wrecked.
I’ll never forget my father’s last words to me just before he died: “Are you sure you fixed the brakes?”
What’s the difference between women and cars?
At least cars retain some of their value after getting wrecked.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because he got hit by a car.
What were Paul Walker's last words?
I dk probably "WATCH THE FUCKING TREE!"
My bumper sticker says: "👋FORMER BABY ON BOARD."
I'm racist.
I don't like green cars.
An Eskimo was holidaying in New Zealand and while driving his rented car around the countryside it broke down. A bloke passing by offered to help, lifted the bonnet and said, "I know your problem, you blew a seal."
The Eskimo with a shocked expression retorted, "Yeah? Well you fuck sheep!"
Why did the leper fail his driving test?
He left his foot on the clutch.
One day a truck driver had a truck full of squirrels. A police officer said, "Sir, I'm going to need you to take these squirrels to the zoo." The driver did so and left. The next day the driver was back, but this time the squirrels were wearing sunglasses. The officer said, "I thought I told you to take these squirrels to the zoo." The driver said, "I did. Today I'm taking them to the beach."
Who is more loyal: a dog or a wife?
Well, lock them both in your trunk for two hours and drive around and see which one is happy to see you.
Did you hear about Paul Walker's rap?
Wrapped around that tree.
I remember Grandpa's last words, "Oh, shit! It's in drive!"
What was the last thing that crossed Princess Diana's mind?
The steering wheel.
One day a father went out for some cold beer and threw the 18 pack in the back seat on top of the infant in the car seat. Fortunately, it was light beer.