What's a terrorist's favorite car? A Porsche 9/11.
Husband: “Honey, what’s the difference between a Ferrari and an erection?”
Wife: “ok... what is it?”
Husband: “I don’t have a Ferrari right now.”
What is the difference between women and cars?
At least one of them retained their value after getting wrecked.
My bumper sticker says: "👋FORMER BABY ON BOARD."
Has anybody heard of the guy who passed out in the middle of oncoming traffic? Yeah, he was tired.
Why did the polack lock himself out of his car?
Because his keys were inside of the ignition.
I learned my dad got into a car crash this morning.
And my driver's license got revoked too.
A guy tried to suffocate himself with his BMW exhaust, but his engine failed.
This is the first time German engineering fails to gas someone.
My wife told me to treat her like a princess, so I got drunk and drove through the tunnel.
My wife told me I could never, ever build a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta!
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because he got hit by a car.
If Hitler was in a car doing his salute, he would be saying, "Take the third right."
Why do sisters have to be in a relationship? Because you don’t have to worry about your car.
Imagine someone leaving a cut-out of Jeff Bezos on your car after you found out your blind bf cheated on you, and the McDonald's employee says over the speaker, "Weren't expecting him to see other hoes were you?"
I got so drunk with the guys yesterday that when the Uber driver asked how many drinks I had, I said, "Yes."
Why did the leper fail his driving test?
He left his foot on the clutch.
One day a truck driver had a truck full of squirrels. A police officer said, "Sir, I'm going to need you to take these squirrels to the zoo." The driver did so and left. The next day the driver was back, but this time the squirrels were wearing sunglasses. The officer said, "I thought I told you to take these squirrels to the zoo." The driver said, "I did. Today I'm taking them to the beach."
What do world hunger and a Mercedes have in common?
Princess Diana couldn't stop both of them.
Q: What do you call a pigeon that is full of poop that flies in front of a car?
A: A suicide bomber.
Who is more loyal: a dog or a wife?
Well, lock them both in your trunk for two hours and drive around and see which one is happy to see you.
