Car jokes

I learned my dad got into a car crash this morning.

And my driver's license got revoked too.

A guy tried to suffocate himself with his BMW exhaust, but his engine failed.

This is the first time German engineering fails to gas someone.

Why did the polack lock himself out of his car?

Because his keys were inside of the ignition.

My wife told me I could never, ever build a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta!

If Hitler was in a car doing his salute, he would be saying, "Take the third right."

I got so drunk with the guys yesterday that when the Uber driver asked how many drinks I had, I said, "Yes."

Why do sisters have to be in a relationship? Because you don’t have to worry about your car.

Levon Aronian's wife died in a car crash. That's wheelie unfortunate.

I’ll never forget my father’s last words to me just before he died: “Are you sure you fixed the brakes?”

What’s the difference between women and cars?

At least cars retain some of their value after getting wrecked.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Because he got hit by a car.

What is the difference between women and cars?

At least one of them retained their value after getting wrecked.

What's a terrorist's favorite car? A Porsche 9/11.

Husband: “Honey, what’s the difference between a Ferrari and an erection?”

Wife: “ok... what is it?”

Husband: “I don’t have a Ferrari right now.”

Has anybody heard of the guy who passed out in the middle of oncoming traffic? Yeah, he was tired.

My bumper sticker says: "👋FORMER BABY ON BOARD."

Why did the leper fail his driving test?

He left his foot on the clutch.

One day a truck driver had a truck full of squirrels. A police officer said, "Sir, I'm going to need you to take these squirrels to the zoo." The driver did so and left. The next day the driver was back, but this time the squirrels were wearing sunglasses. The officer said, "I thought I told you to take these squirrels to the zoo." The driver said, "I did. Today I'm taking them to the beach."

What do world hunger and a Mercedes have in common?

Princess Diana couldn't stop both of them.

Q: What do you call a pigeon that is full of poop that flies in front of a car?

A: A suicide bomber.