Car jokes

Today I found out that my cat got hit by a car accident. Well, I guess I'm gonna play ninja fruits on my hands again. It's not like anyone will notice.

What happened to the frog that parked illegally?

He was toad away.

Get it?

What's the difference between a Lambo and 200 children in my basement? One screams; the children don't.

I was visiting an orphanage and started to pull in close to the building. My car hit 3 speed bumps, and it caught me off guard. I got out of my car, looked under my tire, and saw three orphans wedged in my tire. I started to get worried, but then I thought to myself... nobody will miss them.

What do world hunger and a Mercedes have in common?

Princess Diana couldn't stop both of them.

What does a broken down vegetable say?

I need new wheels.

"Yes, officer! It was a requirement to run over that child. It matched perfectly with the beat drop!"

I got fired from my paramedic job on the first day. I told an eight-year-old who lost his leg in a car accident to "walk it off."

I was at my grandparents' and saw someone breaking into a car. I told my grandpa, "He's trying to break into the car!" He said, "No, ours is in the garden."

What’s the difference between women and cars?

At least cars retain some of their value after getting wrecked.

I’ll never forget my father’s last words to me just before he died: “Are you sure you fixed the brakes?”

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Because he got hit by a car.

What is the difference between women and cars?

At least one of them retained their value after getting wrecked.

Two guys in a car get pulled over by a cop. The cop taps the window, and the window rolls down. "Good evening, gentlemen, we're looking for two pedophiles."

The guy quickly closes the window. Ten seconds later, he lowers it again and says, "Ok, we'll do it."

Husband: “Honey, what’s the difference between a Ferrari and an erection?”

Wife: “ok... what is it?”

Husband: “I don’t have a Ferrari right now.”

What's a terrorist's favorite car? A Porsche 9/11.

My bumper sticker says: "👋FORMER BABY ON BOARD."

My wife told me to treat her like a princess, so I got drunk and drove through the tunnel.

Why do sisters have to be in a relationship? Because you don’t have to worry about your car.

If Hitler was in a car doing his salute, he would be saying, "Take the third right."