Car

Car jokes

Car crash

I learned my dad got into a car crash this morning.

And my driver's license got revoked too.

Engineering

A guy tried to suffocate himself with his BMW exhaust, but his engine failed.

This is the first time German engineering fails to gas someone.

Key

Why did the polack lock himself out of his car?

Because his keys were inside of the ignition.

Wife

My wife told me I could never, ever build a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta!

Hitler

If Hitler was in a car doing his salute, he would be saying, "Take the third right."

Drink

I got so drunk with the guys yesterday that when the Uber driver asked how many drinks I had, I said, "Yes."

Sister

Why do sisters have to be in a relationship? Because you don’t have to worry about your car.

Brake

I’ll never forget my father’s last words to me just before he died: “Are you sure you fixed the brakes?”

Woman

What’s the difference between women and cars?

At least cars retain some of their value after getting wrecked.

Difference

What is the difference between women and cars?

At least one of them retained their value after getting wrecked.

Husband

Husband: “Honey, what’s the difference between a Ferrari and an erection?”

Wife: “ok... what is it?”

Husband: “I don’t have a Ferrari right now.”

Traffic

Has anybody heard of the guy who passed out in the middle of oncoming traffic? Yeah, he was tired.

Leper

Why did the leper fail his driving test?

He left his foot on the clutch.

Squirrel

One day a truck driver had a truck full of squirrels. A police officer said, "Sir, I'm going to need you to take these squirrels to the zoo." The driver did so and left. The next day the driver was back, but this time the squirrels were wearing sunglasses. The officer said, "I thought I told you to take these squirrels to the zoo." The driver said, "I did. Today I'm taking them to the beach."

World hunger

What do world hunger and a Mercedes have in common?

Princess Diana couldn't stop both of them.

Pigeon

Q: What do you call a pigeon that is full of poop that flies in front of a car?

A: A suicide bomber.