Car jokes

How many astronauts can you fit into a VW Bug? 11, 4 in the seats, seven in the ashtray.

Today I found out that my cat got hit by a car accident. Well, I guess I'm gonna play ninja fruits on my hands again. It's not like anyone will notice.

What's the difference between a Lambo and 200 children in my basement? One screams; the children don't.

What happened to the frog that parked illegally?

He was toad away.

Get it?

I was visiting an orphanage and started to pull in close to the building. My car hit 3 speed bumps, and it caught me off guard. I got out of my car, looked under my tire, and saw three orphans wedged in my tire. I started to get worried, but then I thought to myself... nobody will miss them.

What does a broken down vegetable say?

I need new wheels.

What do world hunger and a Mercedes have in common?

Princess Diana couldn't stop both of them.

"Yes, officer! It was a requirement to run over that child. It matched perfectly with the beat drop!"

If Hitler was in a car doing his salute, he would be saying, "Take the third right."

Why do sisters have to be in a relationship? Because you don’t have to worry about your car.

A guy tried to suffocate himself with his BMW exhaust, but his engine failed.

This is the first time German engineering fails to gas someone.

What's the difference between Paul Walker and a fly? It's the sound they make when they hit the windshield.

My wife told me to treat her like a princess, so I got drunk and drove through the tunnel.

Why did the polack lock himself out of his car?

Because his keys were inside of the ignition.

My wife told me I could never, ever build a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta!

Imagine someone leaving a cut-out of Jeff Bezos on your car after you found out your blind bf cheated on you, and the McDonald's employee says over the speaker, "Weren't expecting him to see other hoes were you?"

My bumper sticker says: "👋FORMER BABY ON BOARD."

Has anybody heard of the guy who passed out in the middle of oncoming traffic? Yeah, he was tired.

I was at my grandparents' and saw someone breaking into a car. I told my grandpa, "He's trying to break into the car!" He said, "No, ours is in the garden."

What were Paul Walker's last words?

I dk probably "WATCH THE FUCKING TREE!"