Car jokes

"Yes, officer! It was a requirement to run over that child. It matched perfectly with the beat drop!"

I was at my grandparents' and saw someone breaking into a car. I told my grandpa, "He's trying to break into the car!" He said, "No, ours is in the garden."

Two guys in a car get pulled over by a cop. The cop taps the window, and the window rolls down. "Good evening, gentlemen, we're looking for two pedophiles."

The guy quickly closes the window. Ten seconds later, he lowers it again and says, "Ok, we'll do it."

I got fired from my paramedic job on the first day. I told an eight-year-old who lost his leg in a car accident to "walk it off."

What's a terrorist's favorite car? A Porsche 9/11.

I’ll never forget my father’s last words to me just before he died: “Are you sure you fixed the brakes?”

What’s the difference between women and cars?

At least cars retain some of their value after getting wrecked.

What is the difference between women and cars?

At least one of them retained their value after getting wrecked.

What were Paul Walker's last words?

I dk probably "WATCH THE FUCKING TREE!"

I learned my dad got into a car crash this morning.

And my driver's license got revoked too.

Why did the polack lock himself out of his car?

Because his keys were inside of the ignition.

My wife told me I could never, ever build a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta!

What's the difference between Paul Walker and a fly? It's the sound they make when they hit the windshield.

A guy tried to suffocate himself with his BMW exhaust, but his engine failed.

This is the first time German engineering fails to gas someone.

My wife told me to treat her like a princess, so I got drunk and drove through the tunnel.

If Hitler was in a car doing his salute, he would be saying, "Take the third right."

I got so drunk with the guys yesterday that when the Uber driver asked how many drinks I had, I said, "Yes."

Why do sisters have to be in a relationship? Because you don’t have to worry about your car.

Imagine someone leaving a cut-out of Jeff Bezos on your car after you found out your blind bf cheated on you, and the McDonald's employee says over the speaker, "Weren't expecting him to see other hoes were you?"

My bumper sticker says: "👋FORMER BABY ON BOARD."