Teach a Scouser to fish and he can eat for a day.
Give him the rod and he will stick it in your letterbox and nick your car keys!
What were Paul Walker's last words?
I dk probably "WATCH THE FUCKING TREE!"
Man: How tall is a penguin?
Bartender: About three foot, why?
Man: Oh shit, the Bible-bashing nuns! I fucking hit one!
Poor car.
I'll never forget my grandpa's last words:
"You need to park a little closer."
Uber driver: .........
Me: .........
Uber driver: .........
Me: 5 stars.
Okay, so one time a deaf kid got into a car accident, but he didn't herd in on the news.
Cars are like bullets; you jump in front of one, and they solve all your problems.
What is an orphan's favorite car?
A family car.
Your mama is such a hoe! It took her 4 attempts to pass her driving test. She couldn't get used to the front seat.
By the time I ran my wife over with my car, I had to stop for gas twice.
Your mama is so fat, by the time I swerved to miss her with the car, I ran out of gas.
If a fat person were to go on a flying car, it will just be at the ground. When they exit, it will just fly up.
What do you call Hitler speeding?
The Fast and the Fuherous.
Why did the emo kid not cross the road?
He was waiting for a car.
What did Dom Toretto say about the tree Paul Walker hit?
"Family strong, but not that strong."
What's the difference between a car and a car?
I have absolutely no idea, sorry.
When you hear your momβs car pull in the driveway and you remember that she told you to take the chicken out of the freezer 7 hours ago.
I just came across a pile of cash in the parking lot.
Usually I just use tissues.
Stig
My friend: You ever feel like life is pointless? *drives faster*
Me: Yea-
My friend: If you could die with one person, who would it be? *speeds up more*
Me: H-hey, you should slow down! Slow down, slow down! We're about to-
