Cant jokes
What's yellow and can't swim?
A school bus full of disabled children.
What did MC Hammer say to Michael Jackson?
"U Can't Touch Kids."
I asked my North Korean friend, "what's it like to live in North Korea?" He responded, "can't complain."
I should be ashamed of myself for making all these jokes at the expense of the disabled! After all, they can't even stand up for themselves.
The reason that girls are not allowed in boys' treehouses is because girls can't keep their mouths shut about boys taking turns sucking each other's hotdogs.
It's funny how Stephen Hawking sounds like Stephen walking or Stephen talking, but he can't do any of those things.
Why can't two Asians make a white kid?
Because two wongs don't make a white.
Why can't skeletons play church music?
Because they have no organs.
Guy: "My life is like a game, I should end it."
Guy 2: "Is it a hard life?"
Guy: "Yup"
Guy 2: "Then you can't kill yourself LOL"
Guy 3: "Hold on, I know a cheat code to finish the 'game'"
Once again, RIP Daniel Kyre, he actually died this day five years ago.
He attempted suicide Sep 16, and was in life support, till his parents made the tough decision of taking him off.
We will miss ya bud..... (cyndagoooooooo)
I used to be a banker but I lost interest.
Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team? She always ran away from the ball.
Why can’t bikes stand? Because they are two tired (Too tired).
A man woke up from a serious surgery. He screamed, "Doctor! Doctor! I can't feel my legs!" And the doctor replied, "I know. I amputated your arms."
A husband comes home from work one day, and his wife is watching the Food Network. The husband asks, "Why do you watch that? You still can’t cook," and the wife responds, "Why do you watch porn? You still can’t fuck."
Nike isn't helpful for suicidal people. You can't tell them to "Just Do It."
The worst part about church is that you're constantly switching between sitting, standing, and kneeling. I mean, why can't the priest just pick a position and f**k me already!
What is yellow and can’t swim?
A school bus full of children.
Me: tries to scan self at Walmart. I can't scan myself, wanna know why?
Alfred: Why?
Me: because I'm worthless... =)
So what if I can’t spell Armageddon? It’s not the end of the world.
A guy walks into a magical forest looking to cut down a tree. The best one he can find is a magical talking tree. He holds his axe up ready to slice and begins to swing when the tree says, "Stop! I'm a magical tree. You can't cut me." "I'm a magical tree!" the man mocks, then as he goes to swing the axe he says, "You may be a magical tree... But you will dialogue!"
Why cant asian parents have a white child? Cuz 2 wongs dont make a white
Yo mama so fat, even Bob the Builder said, "We can't fix that!"