Cant jokes
In some places in the world, you can't get an abortion even after rape. That's so fucked up.
You serve your time, you get out, and you STILL have to pay child support. What a nightmare.
Why can't Helen Keller drive?
Because she's a woman.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They can't ever find home.
A guy sits at a bar in a skyscraper restaurant high above the city. He slams a shot of tequila, goes over to the window and jumps out.
The guy sitting next to him can’t believe what he just saw. He’s more surprised when, 10 minutes later, the same guy walks back into the bar and sits down next to him.
The astonished onlooker asks, “How did you do that? I just saw you jump out the window, and we’re hundreds of feet above the ground!”
The jumper responds by slurring, “Well, I don’t get it either. I slam a shot of tequila, and when I jump out the window, the tequila makes me slow down right before I hit the ground. Watch.” He takes a shot, goes to the window and jumps out.
The other guy runs to the window and watches as the guy falls to just above the sidewalk, slows down and lands softly on his feet. A few minutes later, the jumper walks back into the bar.
The other guy has to try it, too, so he orders a shot of tequila. He slams it and jumps out the window. As he reaches the bottom, he doesn’t slow down at all. SPLAT!
The first guy orders another shot of tequila. The bartender shakes his head. “You’re really an a**hole when you’re drunk, Superman.”
Why can't orphans be gay?
Because they have no one they can call "daddy."
A Karen is so stupid, she can't even cross the hairline!
An orphan goes to a doctor.
Doctor: "Sorry, I can't help you."
Orphan: "But why?"
Doctor: "I'm a family doctor."
Why does Stephen Hawking only do one-liners?
Because he can’t do stand-up.
John Cena once insulted Chuck Norris. That's why we can't see him anymore.
What's the difference between peanut butter and jam? I can't peanut butter my dick up your ass.
What's the difference between an enzyme and a hormone?
You can't hear an enzyme.
What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
What are three things you can't give a black guy?
A fat lip, a black eye, and a job.
Why can't orphans never run all the bases in baseball? Because they can never make it home.
Why should you always give an emo a high five in the hallway? You can’t leave them hanging.
Roses are not always red, Violets are violet, not blue. Irises are never red, Petunias can be kinda blue.
What does this tell us 'cept you can't trust a poet to tell the truth.
Knock knock. Who's there? A boy. A boy who? A boy who can't reach the doorbell knocking at your door.
Why can't an orphan be gay? Because they don't have anyone to call "daddy."
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can't hit a home run.
Michael Jackson broke his window. What does he say? "I can't see."