Can jokes
I can tell you used to be friends with your hairline, cuz it goes way back.
How is a beer can and an Indian the same? You can find them both smashed on the side of the road!
Little Johnny said to his mate, "I bet I can make you swear." His mate said, "Good luck." So Johnny told his mate that he slept with his sister. His mate yelled, "I'm gonna fucking kill you!"
Why did the knight cross the road?
He can't because his armor was too heavy.
How can you tell a blonde likes you? She ducks you two nights in a row.
Memes
What can fly underwater?
A mosquito in a submarine.
A disabled man stands up.
A blind man says, "You can stand?"
A deaf man says, "You can see?"
A mute person says, "You can hear?"
The disabled man says, "You can talk!"
Doctor: "What the actual f**k"
That forehead is so tall it can eat a plane! Open wide!
Yo mama, why do you have to jump in the pool as soon as I can find the water on Mario? I mean, Mario jump to Mars!
Why can't we see or sense kamikazes' bombs?
They're out of plane sight.
We can nip March Madness in the bud, but only if we detect the warning signs of brooding, anti-social February Fever.
Kalyn: Mrs. Frizzle,
Mrs. Frizzle: Sure.
Kalyn: Can you spell I-C-U-P for me?
Mrs. Frizzle: Shut up, you little fucktard!
Do you put a baby in the microwave covered or uncovered?
Covered, it can take weeks to clean up the explosion.
How can you tell that a woman cannot fit through a vent because she got pregnant from a baby elephant? Ain't no telling who's in better shape, the elephant or the woman. I guess it's probably Weight Watchers.
What do you call a can opener that doesn’t work?
A can’t opener!
Wow, Aiden, maybe you've been mean to Tenya. She is hurting, close to killing herself, but hey, I can pick your ass since, ya know, that is what I do!
Why do orphans like boomerangs?
Because then they can play catch.
Why does a cow love music?
Because it can play a moo-sical instrument.
You can get into a fight with an orphan. What are they going to do? Tell their parents?
What animal can not be trusted?
A lion 🦁.