Can jokes
If you have sex and your African parents find out,
“You can do the boom boom. But you can not do the boom boom in my house. Do it somewhere else."
Why don't wheelchairs have pedals, so when their arms get tired, they can keep going with their feet?
If a person in a wheelchair runs you over, can you call it a "hit and can't run?"
Something you can say about a restaurant, but not your partner:
"So you’re open 24 hours a day?"
What is worse than a dead baby in a trash can?
100 dead babies in a trash can.
What is worse than that?
There's a live one at the bottom.
What is worse than that?
It eats its way out.
What is worse than that?
It comes back for seconds.
Memes
How many times can 46 go into 8? Just hop in the van and find out.
"Banjo players spend half their lives tuning... and the other half out of tune."
I'm a banjo picker, and I can confirm this is 99% true.
Question: Do you know who Candis is?
Answer: Can dis dick fit in your mouth?
What did the skeleton say to Shrek?
"Jump on me. I can have two layers of skin too."
What did the skeleton say when the other skeleton lied to him?
"You can't lie to me! I can see right through you!"
Yo mama so fat you can see her from 1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 galaxies away!
Your earlobes are so big, you can fit your mom inside of them 5000 times and still have room for more!
What do you call a booty that can do magic?
A butt trick!
You're so skinny, you can hula-hoop with Fruit Loops!
How can you tell a blonde likes you? She ducks you two nights in a row.
Why did the knight cross the road?
He can't because his armor was too heavy.
What can fly underwater?
A mosquito in a submarine.
Yo mama, why do you have to jump in the pool as soon as I can find the water on Mario? I mean, Mario jump to Mars!
A magic genie tells Tom, "I can make anything of yours disappear!"
Tom raises his mug and says, "Okay, get rid of my tea."
Genie: Poof!
Tom: It didn't work.
How is a beer can and an Indian the same? You can find them both smashed on the side of the road!