What do you call a can opener that doesn’t work?
A can’t opener!
Can Jokes
Wow, Aiden, maybe you've been mean to Tenya. She is hurting, close to killing herself, but hey, I can pick your ass since, ya know, that is what I do!
Why do orphans like boomerangs?
Because then they can play catch.
Why does a cow love music?
Because it can play a moo-sical instrument.
You can get into a fight with an orphan. What are they going to do? Tell their parents?
What animal can not be trusted?
A lion 🦁.
What do you call a booty that can do magic?
A butt trick!
Boys: “Hey, can Billy come out and play baseball?”
Mom: “That would be fine, but he hasn’t come out of his room since Friday.”
Boys: “Have you checked the closet?”
Your earlobes are so big, you can fit your mom inside of them 5000 times and still have room for more!
A Japanese man goes to the dentist. After being there for a while, the dentist asks, "How often do you floss your teeth?"
The Jap said, "After every meal." When they finish up, the dentist turns to him and says, "You need to floss your eyes more. I can still see them."
What did the skeleton say when the other skeleton lied to him?
"You can't lie to me! I can see right through you!"
What did the skeleton say to Shrek?
"Jump on me. I can have two layers of skin too."
How many times can 46 go into 8? Just hop in the van and find out.
Question: Do you know who Candis is?
Answer: Can dis dick fit in your mouth?
When it's cold outside, men can cut ice in three places.
What is worse than a dead baby in a trash can?
100 dead babies in a trash can.
What is worse than that?
There's a live one at the bottom.
What is worse than that?
It eats its way out.
What is worse than that?
It comes back for seconds.
"Banjo players spend half their lives tuning... and the other half out of tune."
I'm a banjo picker, and I can confirm this is 99% true.
Where do you think all the orphans went?
In the World Trade Center, I trapped them in so they can finally get to their parents.
Yo mama so fat you can see her from 1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 galaxies away!
What is a nudist's least favorite holiday?
Memorial Day.
Why?
Because wearing a poppy can be very painful.
