Can jokes

Yo mama so dumb, she thought "The Squid Game" was an all-you-can-eat buffet.

Hi everyone, my mom got me an iPad today, and this is really cool. Can someone tell me what decapitation is?

What is a guide dog 🐶 that cannot walk? A useless guide 🐶.

Did you hear of my new job as a can crusher? It's soda pressing.

"What did the orphan say to the other orphan? \"You have a dad? Say he can have me, I will (let) you, so he can adopt me.\""

I want to be like pizza so I can get cut into 8 pieces.

What two things can you never have for breakfast?

Lunch and dinner!

What did the plane say to the tower? "Yo, can I crash at your place for a bit, and can my boy crash at your boy's place?"

1. What do you call cheese that's not yours? Nacho cheese.

2. Knock, knock. Who's there? Ash. Ash who? Achoo!

3. How does the ocean say hello? He waves.

4. Why can't Elsa have a balloon? Because she will let it go.

5. What do you call your enemy? You don't call it at all.

A disabled man stands up.

A blind man says, "You can stand?"

A deaf man says, "You can see?"

A mute person says, "You can hear?"

The disabled man says, "You can talk!"

Doctor: "What the actual f**k"

A man and a child walk into the woods. The child turns to the man and says, "Mister, can we go home? It's getting late, and I'm scared to walk home."

The man turns to the child and says, "How do you think I feel? I have to walk home alone!"

Why can orphans only use Samsung?

Because they don't have a home button.

Son: Hey, Dad, I'm cold. Can you give me a lift from work?

Dad: Hi Cold, nice to meet you. Sorry, I don't pick up strangers.

Son: I hate you!

My sis said only garlic and onions can make you cry.

So I threw an orange at her.

We can nip March Madness in the bud, but only if we detect the warning signs of brooding, anti-social February Fever.

I got a job at the can factory, but it is soda-pressing.

What do you call a soda can’s dad? Pop!

I can tell you an airplane joke, but it will probably fly over your head.

What’s the difference between an egg and a wank?

You can beat an egg.

I guess you can say he xxxpired.