Can jokes

A man and a child walk into the woods. The child turns to the man and says, "Mister, can we go home? It's getting late, and I'm scared to walk home."

The man turns to the child and says, "How do you think I feel? I have to walk home alone!"

I want to be like pizza so I can get cut into 8 pieces.

1. What do you call cheese that's not yours? Nacho cheese.

2. Knock, knock. Who's there? Ash. Ash who? Achoo!

3. How does the ocean say hello? He waves.

4. Why can't Elsa have a balloon? Because she will let it go.

5. What do you call your enemy? You don't call it at all.

What did the plane say to the tower? "Yo, can I crash at your place for a bit, and can my boy crash at your boy's place?"

When I shit in the toilet, I think that if I shit hard enough, I can see my asshole plug.

Why can orphans get away with robbing the bank?

Because no one wants him.

What did the calculator say to the student?

You can always count on me.

What can a gay man with a physical disability do better than a heterosexual woman that doesn't have a physical disability?

Suck a big cock.

I would like to call you as dumb as a rock, but they can hold a door open.

Yo mama so dumb, she thought "The Squid Game" was an all-you-can-eat buffet.

What two things can you never have for breakfast?

Lunch and dinner!

A disabled man stands up.

A blind man says, "You can stand?"

A deaf man says, "You can see?"

A mute person says, "You can hear?"

The disabled man says, "You can talk!"

Doctor: "What the actual f**k"

Why can orphans only use Samsung?

Because they don't have a home button.

Son: Hey, Dad, I'm cold. Can you give me a lift from work?

Dad: Hi Cold, nice to meet you. Sorry, I don't pick up strangers.

Son: I hate you!

What’s the difference between an egg and a wank?

You can beat an egg.

My sis said only garlic and onions can make you cry.

So I threw an orange at her.

I can tell you an airplane joke, but it will probably fly over your head.

I got a job at the can factory, but it is soda-pressing.

Did you hear of my new job as a can crusher? It's soda pressing.

What is a guide dog 🐶 that cannot walk? A useless guide 🐶.