Can jokes

What can you tell a woman with two black eyes?

Nothing that you haven't told her twice already.

Your hairline goes so far back you can see a full world scale map in your forehead reflection.

So can we agree that Jesus was the first victim of cancel culture?

Flex tape can fix a sawed-in-half boat. Then how the f*** can it not fix the Titanic when it broke in half? Tell me!

What can a mouse do?

He clicks.

What's the difference between a baby and putty?

You can only eat one.

Q: What's the difference between a folk singer and a 14" pizza?

A: The pizza can support a family of four.

What time is it when you can smell smoke inside?

Time to get outside!

I don't have any friends.

If you like this, I can be your friend :)

It's really great that you can make fun of orphans, 'cause what are they going to do? Tell their parents?

A bear walked into the bar and said, "Can I have a cola and a...whisky?" The bartender says, "What's with the big paws?"

I’ll pat your breasts, pat your breasts, cos I’m a baker’s man, and you better bring me an orgasm as fast as you can. I’ll pat you, and prick you, and mark you with my "D", And then throw you in the fire cos you’re now worthless to me!

So, I was at the gas station drinking a Slurpee when I heard an old lady start talking to me. She says, "Hey, can you check my balance?" so she could buy a chocolate bar.

So, I pushed her over and said, "Not much."

What’s something you can say about your clothes but not your partner?

It’s just a rental.

White people: *come to America, meet natives and take food, kill them, rape them, and enslave them.*

Natives: Can y-

White people: Hey, you remember all that horrible sh*t we did to you? Let's have a good laugh about it over dinner with your buddies and my new wives.

My joke: You have to guess, answers come at 3:00. Why did the cow jump into space?

Hint... it smelled its favorite food 🍱 and saw its future!

That hint was technically the whole answer. Can you guess in 3 hours? Lol, I will be posting every time, and my giveaway starts at 5:00: my mega fly ride bat dragon 🐉 and five jungle eggs.

Daughter: So, I got my period.

Mom: That's wonderful, dear! Now you can bleed for a whole week a month without dying!

Daughter: That's nice, Mum, but isn't the whole point of getting your period dying?

Mom: Yes, but you have to kill yourself a little longer to live through to another day.

Daughter: Thanks, Mum. That makes a whole lot of sense. (Sarcastically.)

Mom: You're welcome, honey. (Clueless, obviously.)

When I shit in the toilet, I think that if I shit hard enough, I can see my asshole plug.

A disabled man stands up.

A blind man says, "You can stand?"

A deaf man says, "You can see?"

A mute person says, "You can hear?"

The disabled man says, "You can talk!"

Doctor: "What the actual f**k"

Why can orphans get away with robbing the bank?

Because no one wants him.