Can jokes
I named my dog Stone so that I can say to people that I throw stones every day.
Quoting the great Jimmy Carr: "When I cook, I make sure there are vegetarian options. They can make do, or they can fuck off."
There are three types of people in the world:
Those who can count and those who can’t.
Why can I be black? Because I look like I have puberty, and I sound like I had puberty.
What can you hold in your left hand but not in your right?
Answer: Your right elbow.
My girlfriend was cheating in Uno.
She's not the only one who can play that game.
"Bonus, we can even watch a movie and still chat! Love you!
Which one do you want to watch? 😀"
A girl with no arms and one leg goes to her mother and asks: "Mom, next year for the carnival, can I dress up as a princess?"
The mother replies: "Why? Didn't you like the ice lolly dress from last year?"
I see 6 letters in "the past."
I have 2020 vision.
I see 7 letters in "the future," I have 2021 vision.
What can you catch but not throw?
A cold!
Why can orphans go to Thacker Jewelry?
They love to see the whole family.
Son: Mom, can I tell you something?
Mom: Yes, of course, honey, what's up?
Son: Ok, you have terrible jokes! They're not even funny!
Mom: Well, I made you.
I can cry, but I don't have eyes. I can fly, but I don't have wings. Who am I?
A cloud.
-->[] go through the door if you can.
Why does new pavement smell like butt?
In other words you can also call it asphalt.
Ass-phalt.
Do you have a halo?
'Cause I can give it to you.
How can you help a llama on holiday?
Alpaca your bags.
What's the difference between a priest and customer service?
At least you can call customer service and tell them how your experience was.
Roses are red, violets are blue, You're so flat we can play chess on your chest!
Q: What's the difference between a CEO and a beer can?
A: Beer cans don't bleed when they get shot.