Can jokes
Why did the orphan cross the road?
So he can be hit by a car and be reunited with his parents.
When your boy tries to have a bad day while you're on your period:
Oh, you have a cold? How rude of me. I just laid an egg, and now my body is ripping down the walls of my uterus. But can I get you a tissue?
Why can orphans never walk home?
Because there's no way to go.
Why do they put barcodes on the ships in Norway?
Why?
So when they come into port, they can Scan-de-navian.
Why tie when you can knot?
Q: Get up for a chair joke!
A: Oh, never mind, you can sit down.
-->[] go through the door if you can.
I can cry, but I don't have eyes. I can fly, but I don't have wings. Who am I?
A cloud.
How can you help a llama on holiday?
Alpaca your bags.
Why did the dog want a kiss? Because he can see his knees.
"Nice pants. Can I test the zipper?"
What’s the benefit of dating a homeless woman?
You can drop her off anywhere.
What’s something you can say about a fat person, but not about strippers?
Those legs sure hold a lot of weight.
How do fat people settle arguments?
By seeing who can eat the most at a buffet.
Something you can say about your furniture, but not your partner: "Those legs sure hold a lot of weight."
You can get the park in the park with you if I have park in your car, and I will be there in a couple of hours. Would you be able to pick them out at your house, and I will pick you up, and I will be at your place at your convenience. I can get them in a little while. I’m at the park. Bye.
Karen walks into McDonald's.
Lady at the counter: HI what can I get for you today??
Karen: I want 1 SMALL FRIES PLEASE AND MAKE IT SNAPPY LITTLE NOODLE!
Lady at the counter: yes miss.
Karen: I WILL NOW INSPECT THIS.
Lady at the counter: *sweats*
Karen: THIS IS NOT SALTY ENOUGHT! GET ME THE MANAGER KNOW, SKINY NOODLE!
Neona: Gwen?
Gwen: Yes... what can I do for you?
Neona: You were so right! Mr. Smith has sexual problems and is a fool! I am so sorry that you were not a liar! PLEASE FORGIVE ME!!!!!
Gwen: You should have listened. Plus I'm over it!
Neona: Are you mad at me?
Gwen: Me? NEVER! Sometimes we listen and don't listen.
What is the origin of the glory hole?
The origins can be found in San Francisco, California, where historians claim that a meat thermometer was sticking out of a hole from both sides, especially the divider between bathroom stalls inside the men's restroom used for an anonymous massage for gay men by gay men in San Francisco, CA, in the Wild West.
So, a man goes to church and is dipped in water three times by a Priest as he says, "From now on your name is Michael, and you will shed your sins of gambling and alcohol."
Soon after, the man heads home and rushes to the fridge to grab a can of beer. He turns on the sink and dips the beer can in the water three times while saying, "From now on you will be known as Not Alcohol."