Can jokes
Ever have an Italian sausage in a can?
A man is on his deathbed in prison by electric chair.
The man who controls the chair asks for any last words.
The prisoner replies with: “Can you hold my hand?”
A man walks into a doctor's office, naked and wrapped in Glad Wrap.
The doctor replies with: "I can clearly see your nuts."
Me: Mom, can I have some makeup?
Mom: No. You are beautiful just the way you are.
Me: So that’s why you wear makeup?
Q: Why can emos wear dog collars at school, but people can't wear hats? WTF school!
Share the word lmfao (even tho im 5'1)
Did you know you can slap an orphan all you want, because what are they gonna do, tell their parents?
Teacher said, "You never do your homework," so I shot her 7 times with a M1 BushDid911 and replied, "It's all in my backpack, can you grade it please?"
Why does the singer put a radio in her fridge?
Because she can listen to call music.
How can you get 3 homos to sit on one barstool?
Turn it upside down.
What do you call a duck that can fix anything? Duck tape.
Momma's so fat, she can use her belly button as a breakfast bowl.
What thing can an orphan do best?
Stay at home alone.
If reincarnation is correct, if you die now, you can be reborn and live a second life. If you were born in Ukraine, you can immediately live a third life.
You can play Jenga in two places now: New York and Miami (Chaplin Towers.) They probably have Jenga tournaments there every year.
Lady: "Can I lick your balls?"
Me: "Ummmmm, ok?"
Lady: *grabs ball sack and licks my balls*
Me: "I'm gonna have to clean these now!"
Lady: "Let me do that."
Me: "No, thank you! I have to use these baseballs for practice!"
Orphans can be a robber if they want because their parents won't be disappointed.
If your baby can unhook your bra, is it time to stop breastfeeding?
What's the difference between a blowjob and cough syrup?
They can both give you relief and make you gag at the same time.
Michael J. Fox walks into an ice cream parlor.
The man behind the counter asks Michael, "Can I help you?"
Michael exclaims, "I would like an ice cream."
The man behind the counter asks, "What flavor?"
Michael says, "It doesn't matter what flavor, I'm gonna fucken drop it anyway."
73 Earths can fit in Uranus.