Can jokes
A man is on his deathbed in prison by electric chair.
The man who controls the chair asks for any last words.
The prisoner replies with: “Can you hold my hand?”
I had morning wood one day. Then my sister saw it and said, "I can help!"
Quoting the great Jimmy Carr: "When I cook, I make sure there are vegetarian options. They can make do, or they can fuck off."
What's the difference between a pregnant one and a light bulb?
One you can unscrew.
Q: How can you tell if a Western is gay?
A: All the good guys are hung.
How much wood can a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? If you woodchuck on the world with that, you have a really deep in, and he says goodbye. When he says goodbye, you're like, "if you."
Why can orphans not get married?
They are dad can't walk them down the aisle!
What do you call a duck that can fix anything? Duck tape.
Momma's so fat, she can use her belly button as a breakfast bowl.
Me: Mom, can I have some makeup?
Mom: No. You are beautiful just the way you are.
Me: So that’s why you wear makeup?
Lady: "Can I lick your balls?"
Me: "Ummmmm, ok?"
Lady: *grabs ball sack and licks my balls*
Me: "I'm gonna have to clean these now!"
Lady: "Let me do that."
Me: "No, thank you! I have to use these baseballs for practice!"
Did you know you can slap an orphan all you want, because what are they gonna do, tell their parents?
What thing can an orphan do best?
Stay at home alone.
Q: Why can emos wear dog collars at school, but people can't wear hats? WTF school!
You can play Jenga in two places now: New York and Miami (Chaplin Towers.) They probably have Jenga tournaments there every year.
Orphans can be a robber if they want because their parents won't be disappointed.
Why can orphans go to Thacker Jewelry?
They love to see the whole family.
There are three types of people in the world:
Those who can count and those who can’t.
My girlfriend was cheating in Uno.
She's not the only one who can play that game.
Why can I be black? Because I look like I have puberty, and I sound like I had puberty.