Can jokes
What’s the only victimless crime you can commit? Murder, cause there’s a victim less!
What did the stop sign say to the street sign when he couldn't read a map?
"Can you give me some pointers?"
What’s the difference between your sister and a bowling ball?
I can only get 3 fingers in a bowling ball!
Does anyone know where I can get that picture that went around the internet of Steven Hawking looking at the stairway to Heaven and saying “Oh Fu-k”?
Why is April the smartest month?
It can never be fooled.
How many children can you fit in a box?
Maybe five if you have a trash compactor.
Yo momma so short... You can see her feet on her driver's license photo!
Science teacher: How many times can the earth fit into the sun?
Me: As many times as the earth can fit into you.
On Xbox Live, an orphan can say "they f-ed your mom," so you can say, "at least mine didn't die from it."
I can count the number of times I've been to Chernobyl on one hand. -- It's seven.
Michael Jackson's nose is so steep, it can be a ski ramp.
Q: Why can emos wear dog collars at school, but people can't wear hats? WTF school!
There are three people on the steps of Heaven. God tells them all he is having a good day and if they make him laugh by telling him how they died, he will let them in.
The first one said, "I just finished a long day of work and I get home, and right as I stepped in, I knew my wife was cheating on me. I searched everywhere and I couldn’t find anybody, so I got a drink and went to the balcony, and then I saw him, hanging off the ledge of the balcony. I kicked his hands, but he wouldn’t fall, so I threw a Refrigerator at him, and I fell with the Refrigerator."
God busted out laughing and let him in.
The next person walked up and God told him the same thing he told the other person. God told him that he didn’t think that he could make him laugh more than the first person. The second guy said, "So get this, I’m a window washer on the 8th floor. I’m washing the windows like normal, and this enraged psychopath walks up and starts kicking my hands, and then he throws a refrigerator at me and I die."
God bursts out laughing so much to where he falls off his chair, and he lets the guy through. The next guy comes up and God tells him the same thing he told the last two people, and he tells him that there is no way that he can make him laugh more than the other two did. So he starts talking. "So get this, I’m in a refrigerator..."
If her internal clock can tock, she can sit on my cock.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Please.
Please who?
Police, can you stop talking so we can get to the end of the joke.
Lol.
Why do I love a block? Because I can fall off the stairs.
Your face is so big that not even you can see it.
A cemetery should be built next to orphanages, so the orphans can see their parents.
Dumb kid: What does homework mean?
Teacher: J0K35? (J0K35 is me btw) can you explain to DK what homework means, please?
Me:
"Half Of My Existence Wasted On Random Knowledge"
Chuck Norris once heard nothing can kill him. So he tracked down nothing and killed it.