Can jokes
Your hairline is pushed back; we can see what you are thinking of.
Why did God steal a rib from Adam and make a woman out of it?
God wanted to show that nothing sensible can come of stealing!
What’s something you can say in bed and in a Zoom meeting?
"Do you want the cameras on or off?"
I’m really good at algebra. I can replace your X without even asking Y.
Wanna play dolls?
I can be Ken, and you can be the box I come in.
Person with no arms: Even though I have no arms, I can do anything you guys can.
Me: If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands. 👏👏 If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands. 👏👏
Person with no arms: 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
How can you tell your best friend is gay?
His meat tastes like shit.
Do you like soccer? My favorite player is Ronaldo, but we can still get Messi.
What’s one thing you can say during a family dinner and in bed?
"Where are the kids?"
How do you break up a fight between two gay men?
Say, "Can you get straight to the point?"
One spelling mistake can completely ruin your marriage.
I accidentally texted my wife, "I’m having a wonderful time. I wish you were her."
There's only 3 types of people: the ones who can count and the ones that can't.
It's easy to tell if a skeleton is lying to you because you can see right through them.
What does Can do after eating its vegetables?
Go on eBay to see how much he can sell the wheelchair for.
Teach a Scouser to fish and he can eat for a day.
Give him the rod and he will stick it in your letterbox and nick your car keys!
What's the difference between a Russian potato and a U.S. potato?
The U.S. potato can still compete in the Special Olympics.
When I die, I'll let everyone I kept dear lower my coffin into the ground.
So they can let me down one last time.
What’s something you can say at the funeral but also in bed?
"Damn, that's really stiff!"
This was a few months ago. I used to help people load and unload inventory. One day I’m driving home after having lunch with my sister, and she asked if we can stop at the next gas station. I told her, "So you can weigh yourself on the truck scale?"
What is the similarity between math and buildings?
Two parallel lines can be intersected by a plane.