Can jokes
A guy goes to Starbucks and asks, "Hey, if I can make you laugh, I don’t have to pay." The girl in the window says, "Okay." The guy says, "A little boy named Timmy lost his arms." The girl says, "Oh no!" The guy says, "And his dad left him when he was 4." The girl says, "Uhh yeah." The guy says, "Okay, I guess I’ll be paying then." The girl asks, "Okay, and what name will that be under?" The guy says, "Timmy, I’m Timmy."
What do you think of your mom? I can do it.
It's amazing how dog owners can make their dogs shout different things. For example, Czech dogs go "barf," American dogs go "woof," and Chinese dogs go "sizzle."
Hey, Tanya, can I Tanya ass?
What animal can not be trusted?
A lion 🦁.
What is the difference between a tree and a dog?
A dog can walk and a tree cannot walk.
Why does the Catholic Church have a glory hole inside the confessional booth?
So a priest can give an anonymous blowjob to another bisexual man, or a gay man, or a heterosexual man that has a big dick after the priest hears their confession.
Why can you trust a donut? It tells the hole truth!
An old lady walks into an ice cream store. A clerk greets her and says, "What will it be today, ma'am? We have every flavor you can imagine." The old lady says, "Well, I guess I'd like a quart of chocolate ice cream." The clerk says, "Sorry, ma'am, we're out of chocolate today. Any other flavor we'll have." "Ok," she replies, "Why don't you just give me a pint of chocolate ice cream?" The clerk says a little louder in case she's hard of hearing, "Sorry, ma'am, but we're fresh out of chocolate ice cream." The old lady says, "Oh, ok. Why don't you just get me a cone with one scoop of chocolate ice cream?"
Finally, totally exasperated, the clerk says, "Wait a minute, lady. Can you spell 'Van' as in vanilla?" "Why of course, young man," she says, "V-A-N." "Right," the clerk says, "Can you spell 'Straw' as in strawberry?" "Well of course, 'Straw'," she replied. "Ok, then," he says, "Now spell 'Fuck' as in chocolate." She says, "There's no 'Fuck' in chocolate." He says, "That's what I've been trying to tell you... THERE'S NO FUCKING CHOCOLATE!!!"
Why can a gay man give a better brojob to a heterosexual man than another heterosexual man?
Experience.
Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods. A small tree begins to grow between them, and the beech says to the birch, “Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?” The birch says he cannot tell, but just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling. The birch says, “Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?”
The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree and replies, “It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch, it is, however, the best piece of ash I have ever poked my pecker into.”
Q: What's the similarity between a dog and a bed?
A: I can jump on my bed. A: And I use a pillow on both of them.
How can you tell if a heterosexual man has been using a computer?
There is sperm on the screen.
I'm a nonbinary trash can.
Why did the dog want a kiss? Because he can see his knees.
China should be a baseball team because they can take out the whole world with just a bat.
Why are feminists always against men?
Because men can piss with something that they can't: piss with dicks.
Why are heterosexual women jealous of gay men?
because gay men can perform fellatio on men better than they can.
"Yankee Doodle went to town riding on a computer screen, and then they can see the government has to get Chili's."
A can of worms popping up and down inside a lot of people and a girl ate the can of worms: It was her imaginenation.