Call jokes

I called the suicide hotline in Afghanistan, and they asked if I could pilot a plane.

God said, “Let there be light,” so it beamed off your forehead, and so I turned into Stevie Wonder and called it night.

Mom! Mom! The class called me an orphan.

What do you call an unemployed Rastafarian?

Jah Bless.

Why did they call it "Aqua Claudia"?

Because it carried water, and another word for water is aqua. Duh!

I was at a farm in France called ‘Uber eats Farmer league’, then I saw a strange creature called ‘Pessi’. He only appears against farmers.

He ran towards to me, I didn’t know what I should do so I decided to shout “Big games! Big games!“ Pessi scurried away.

What do you call an orphan village?

An orphanage.

What do you call an autistic kid with a gun?

Special forces.

What do you call a hungry person?

African.

What's wrong with my friend?

He's called Dobby Coleman and has a massive jaw.

What do you call my dick?

A. A monster.

How to tell your kid is adopted? Hi Daisy, let's play a game called "You're adopted!" I will start: Your mum died so I had to adopt you, but don't think I love you because you were the only kid there, haha!

What do you call butter without an expiration date?

A miracle butter, because wow!

What did the dumb kid call ratios?

A type of cereal.

I watched the series of "Unfortunate Events" 4 times, all the shows 4 times. I am crying. I am trying to finish the rest, then my brother comes in and says it is PG (Parental Guidance). After that, my brother called me a baby, then he pushed me off my bed. 😭

I'm just happy no idiots are calling these people fat-phobic.

What do you call a fish with no legs?

Fsh have no legs.

What do you do with legs?

Fsh have no legs.

What do you do with legs?

Break!

Superman has been called to a huge house fire.

Superman: "There you are ma'am, everyone out and all safe!"

Mother: "But my children are still inside! You need to go back an--"

Superman: "Ah fuck'em..."

What do you call two bears jerking each other off?

Bipolar.

What do you call Mary Berry when she’s on holiday?

A Cake By The Ocean.