What is the difference between giving money to a prostitute and giving money to a church? A prostitute won't tell you that it is more blessed to give than it is to receive.
And the lord said unto john come forth and you will receive eternal life, but john came fifth and won a toaster
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
What’s the last thing Tickle Me Elmo receives before leaving the factory? Two test tickles.
I've sadly received a rejection letter from NASA. Strangely, it says there's no space on their training programme.
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
After a lord comes back from vacation, he meets the gardener at the gates of his park. Lord: Has something happened while I was gone? Gardener: Ah, nothing much, I just broke a shovel while I was burrying your dog. Lord: My dog died?! Gardener: Yes, it choked on the smoke when your mansion burnt down. Lord: My mansion?! How?! Gardener: Well, your wife was distraught and dropped a candle on the curtains. Lord: Why was she so distraught? Gardener: She received the news of your daughter being kidnapped. Lord: My daughter! Don't you have any positive news for me?! Gardener: Oh right! Your cancer test results!
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
How do you know when a football player has been to jail? When he goes in a tight end and comes out a wide receiver.
Once upon a time, Bob was in his hospital bed, receiving medical treatment not that far after finding out he had cancer. One day, his friend Jeremy decided to visit him. Jeremy told his best buddy this very inspiring sentence: "Sometimes in life, you and your heart will climb tall peaking mountains, and low flat valleys, and all after that we'll be happy forever in heaven, eventually."
little did Bob know that Jeremy was talking about his heart monitor
A man receives a phone call from his doctor. The doctor says, "I have some good news and some bad news." The man says, "OK, give me the good news first." The doctor says, "The good news is, you have 24 hours to live." The man replies, "Oh no! If that's the good news, then what's the bad news?" The doctor says, "The bad news is, I forgot to call you yesterday."
Jesus said to his disciples "Go forth and ye shall receive eternal life". Thomas came fifth however so he only got a toaster.
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
What do you you get when you put 2 nuns and a blond on a football field? 2 tight ends and a wide receiver.
A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Amal". The other goes to a family in Spain, who name him "Juan". Years later Juan sends a picture of himself to his mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds: "They're twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."
I wanted to open a Brothel in the monastery, but the slogan: "Fist some Christs" was unfortunately not so well received.
Recently I've found out my wife has been cheating on me for the past 3 weeks with a baker down town in Manhattan, New York thinking I wouldn't find out. Irony of it all, she received a yeast infection.
Why was the twin towers so good at football? They were the best wide receiver of their time!
Q: the person who makes it doesnt say what it is the person who receives it doesn't know what it is the person who knows what it is doesn't want it what am i? A: a baby
