Call jokes
What do you call 2 emos making out in a science classroom?
My Chemical Romance.
Q. What do you call a Muslim basketball player?
A. Osama Bin Ballin'.
What do you call a fat fortune teller? A four-chin teller.
Mom!
Ask someone to call you a bitch. When they do, tell them, "Bitches do as they are told!"
What do you call a cow that's beating his meat? Beef stroganoff!
What do you call someone who takes care of chickens?
A chicken tender.
What do you call it when Panera Bread decapitates someone?
Panera Behead.
What do you call a piece of tech that acts emo?
Cutting-edge Technology.
Yo mama so fat, when God said, "Let there be light!" she blocked the sun. Now we call her the moon.
Someone prank calls a general. The general hangs up and goes, "Kids these days have no respect for their elders. That's why I send them all to die."
What do you call a chicken that was cared for? A tendered chicken.
Why are orphans called orphans?
'Cause they're gay.
What do you call a decapitated politician?
A severed head of state.
I went to see my grandfather in the hospital because I wanted to get to know him better before he passed, maybe take a selfie with him. But when I got there my phone died, so I unplugged a vacuum to plug in my phone. And it turns out he only knows Spanish, so when he kept saying, "Me desconectaste el soporte de mi vida," I thought he wanted water. But when I got back with the water he was asleep, and now my phone was charged, so I translated what he said. And it was, "You unplugged my life support." That's when I called the doctor...
Good news is, I got one sick selfie!
In a normal country, you call it Yugoslavia.
In Soviet Russia, it's called aregoslavia.
In a normal country, you call it Yugoslavia.
In Soviet Russia, it's called yugostravia.
Men should pay for the first date, that’s why it’s called a (men)u.
Then women should do the dishes, that’s why they call it a dish wash(her).
What do you call a rapper who’s also a DOCTOR?
MC Healer.
What do you call a masculine lesbian who smokes weed?
A stoned butch.
Sometimes I think back on all the people I’ve lost and remember why I stopped being a tour guide.
Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.
You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving. You need a parachute to go skydiving twice.
My grandfather said my generation relies too much on the latest technology. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.
I’ll never forget my father’s last words to me just before he died: “Are you sure you fixed the brakes?”