Call Jokes

So, a bus crashes, killing everyone on the bus, and God feels so bad that He gives each one a wish.

The first person comes up, and she wants to be beautiful, so God makes her beautiful, and she goes into Heaven. The next person comes up, and he says, "I want to be beautiful as well." As this goes on, the last man in the back begins laughing a little, everyone becoming beautiful, until God asked the last person what they want, and he said, "I want everyone in front of me to be ugly again!" So God had to call the based department and gave him everything that last guy wanted.

What do you call a man with no legs?

Neil (kneel)

What do you call a country who needs another race just to be the best country in sports?

America.

What do you call a fat woman that prays?

A holy cow.

What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta!

If my firnd had a baby like this id call him ✨ "retard" ✨

A close-up image of a newborn baby with a scrunched-up face and mouth open, as if yelling or crying. The image also contains text that says, "My friend just had a baby.."

1. What do you call a dinosaur that is sleeping?

A dino-snore!

2. What is fast, loud, and crunchy?

A rocket chip!

3. Why did the teddy bear say no to dessert?

Because she was stuffed!

4. What has ears but cannot hear?

A cornfield!

5. What did the left eye say to the right eye?

Between us, something smells!

What do you call an anorexic bitch with a yeast infection?

Quarter pounder with cheese.

So Jesus has been nailed to the cross.

On the first day, he starts to moan, "Peter, Peter!"

Well, Peter hears Jesus moaning and feels it is important, so begins to go up the hill. On his way, he is met by some Roman soldiers and they proceed to beat his ass back down the hill.

On the second day, Peter hears Jesus moaning again, "Peter, Peter!"

Peter thinks to himself, this is important. He heads up the hill, fights past the first line, but gets a beatdown by the second group and back down the hill he goes.

On the third day, Peter is woken up by Jesus sounding very weak, but calling out, "Peter, Peter!"

Peter feels that whatever it is that Jesus needs him for must be very important. Peter heads up the hill, he is on a mission. He manages to fight his way thru three sets of Roman guards and make his way to the cross Jesus has been nailed to for three days. He looks up to Jesus and says, "Jesus, I have heard your calls, what is so important?"

Jesus- "Peter, I can see your house from here!"

What could've the Towers done to not start 9/11?

Call 911.

What do you call a fake speedrunner?

Dream.

What do you call somebody in America that is smart?

An immigrant.

What do you call Nicki Minaj covered in glue?

Sticky Minaj.

If I ever ran for public office, I'd make Rajan a call center employee again.

If an orange is called an orange, why isn’t a lemon called a yellow?

What does a woman call Stormzy in bed?

Stiff chocolate.

What do you call it when Neil Armstrong started cuming in space?

The Milky Way.

What do you call an imposter octopus?

Octosus.

What do you call a special ed class that’s flooded?

Vegetable soup.

Little Johnny got a dog without ears, and then they invited their neighbors over. Then they asked what his name was. The owners said, "We didn't name him anything, because there's no reason. Because when we called his name, he wouldn't come."