What do you call a terrorist in a kids' swimming pool?
A bath bomb.
What do you call a gay drive by?
A fruit roll up.
What do you call the people in the Challenger explosion?
Ashtraynauts.
Me, trying to interact with people: “Hey, are you a rope? Because I really wanna HANG with you.”
Person I’m talking to: *Pulling out phone to call suicide hotline* “haha what.”
What do you call a creepy IT teacher?
A PDF file.
What do you call a Russian tree?
Dimitree.
What do you call a depressed person holding a knife?
Freedom yay! (so funny ikr)
What do you call a Mexican Baptism?
Bean Dip.
What do you call a white person having a seizure?
A vanilla shake.
I called the suicide hotline in Saudi Arabia. They got excited and asked if I could drive a truck.
What do you call a 60 year old with a bomb?
Suicide Boomer.
What do you call a joke without a punchline?
If Chuck Norris was a Spartan in the movie 300, the movie would be called 1.
What do you call someone who wants to commit suicide by jumping off a building?
A cliffhanger.
Little Johnny was sitting in class, and he was behind a girl called Sally. The teacher asks the class, "Who created the Earth?" And Little Johnny pokes Sally in the back with his sharpened pencil, and she jumps and says, "MY GOD!" And the teacher says, "Yes, Sally, God did create the Earth." Sally sits down.
Then, the teacher asks, "Where do you go after you live a good life?" and Little Johnny pokes Sally again, and she jumps up and says, "HEAVENS TO BETSY!" And the teacher says, "Yes Sally. You will go to heaven after you live a good life." Sally sits down, knowing full well Little Johnny was poking her. Sally gave Little Johnny an angry glare, and she turns around.
And then, the teacher asks the class, "What did Eve say to Adam after their 77th child?" and Little Johnny pokes Sally HARDER this time in the back, and Sally jumps, turns around and says, "If you stick that thing in me one more time, I swear I'm gonna lose it!" And the teacher faints.
You wanna know how to get rid of potential scam callers?
Next time you get a call from them, just answer the phone and say, "Pizza Hut abortion clinic, where yesterday's loss is today's sauce, how may I help you?"
What do you call a Trump Supporter?
A piece of $hit!
Your mama's so fat, scientists found a new planet called Heranus.
I called the rape advice line last night. Turns out it's just for victims.
What is it called when an orphan takes a selfie?
A family photo.
