Call jokes

Your mama's so fat, scientists found a new planet called Heranus.

I called the rape advice line last night. Turns out it's just for victims.

Did you hear that Stephen Hawking wrote a new book? It's called "Around The House in Eighty Days."

If a crippled man told stories about himself, would that be called VeggieTales?

Johnny Depp fans claim to support their god because they sympathize with male victims of sexual assault. Yet a large chunk of them cheer on Wacko Jacko raping little boys, calling it "innocent".

My brother once froze a dollar in a block of ice. I called it "cold hard cash."

What do you call a blonde who dyes her hair?

Artificial Intelligence.

The furniture store keeps calling me back... But all I wanted was that one nightstand.

What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef jerky.

What do you call a kid with cancer walking through the airport?

•Terminal

What do you call a Catholic priest who molests children?

A Catholic priest.

An orphan walks into a supermarket, gets lost and calls for his mum, then remembers.

Call me an escalator because I let people down.

what do you call a retard smoking weed?

a baked potato.

What do you call a fat girl with a rape whistle?

Optimistic.

What do you call an alligator with a vest?

An investigator.

What do you call a teenage boy who doesn’t masturbate?

A liar.

How do you start a school shooting at a black school?

Call the cops.

What do you call a fish that smokes? "A puffer."

I had a huge crush on this girl when I was eight. One recess we met together on the playground, and she brought me to the corner of the playground. That was my first kiss, and from there it got serious. I told my parents a week later and they freaked out, called the police, and they arrested my crush. I miss Mrs. Johnson.