Call jokes

Your mama's so fat, scientists found a new planet called Heranus.

I called the rape advice line last night. Turns out it's just for victims.

Johnny Depp fans claim to support their god because they sympathize with male victims of sexual assault. Yet a large chunk of them cheer on Wacko Jacko raping little boys, calling it "innocent".

What is it called when an orphan takes a selfie?

A family photo.

Did you hear that Stephen Hawking wrote a new book? It's called "Around The House in Eighty Days."

My brother once froze a dollar in a block of ice. I called it "cold hard cash."

What do you call a Catholic priest who molests children?

A Catholic priest.

What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef jerky.

The furniture store keeps calling me back... But all I wanted was that one nightstand.

Call me an escalator because I let people down.

What do you call two Mexicans at a country restaurant? "Two beaners in a cracker house."

What do you call a blonde who dyes her hair?

Artificial Intelligence.

My girlfriend asked me if we could have anal sex, and I said, "What's that?" She said, "I fuck her ass." I said, "Oh, my uncle calls that shhhhh."

What do you call a bee that lives in America? A USB.

What do you call an alligator with a vest?

An investigator.

What do you call a fish that smokes? "A puffer."

What do you call a teenage boy who doesn’t masturbate?

A liar.

What do you call a fat girl with a rape whistle?

Optimistic.

An orphan walks into a supermarket, gets lost and calls for his mum, then remembers.

What do you call a kid with cancer walking through the airport?

•Terminal