Call jokes
What do you call a cute door?
Adoorable.
If someone calls you, reply with this: “Hi, this is Dave’s orphanage and pizzeria, where yesterday’s loss is today’s sauce! How may I assist you today?”
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back? -- A stick.
What do you call an athlete who injured 75% of his spine?
A quarterback.
What do you call disabled people in a hot tub? -- Vegetable soup.
Memes
How many Karens does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one...to call 911 and demand a cop come do something about the intimidating blackness.
What do you call a priest in a room full of naked boys?
A colonoscopy.
What does a cannibal call people in water?
Sea food.
What do you call a dead fly? -- A flew.
I hate people who get offended here, like seriously, it's called dark humor for a reason.
What do you call a cow that just gave birth?
De-calf-inated.
What do you call an autistic kid with a gun?
Special Forces.
Three dead bodies are delivered to the mortuary one day. Each of them has a great big smile on their face.
The coroner examines the bodies and then calls the police to tell them what has happened.
"First body: Frenchman, 60, died of heart failure while making love to his mistress. Hence the enormous smile, Inspector," says the coroner.
"Second body: Scotsman, 25, won a thousand pounds on the lottery, spent it all on whisky. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile."
The inspector then asks, "What about the third body?"
"Ah," says the coroner, "This is the most unusual one. Billy-Bob the redneck from Oklahoma, 30, struck by lightning."
"Why is he smiling then?" asks the inspector.
"He thought he was having his picture taken."
What do you call a peanut on the allergy table?
A kill streak.
What do you call a dwarf police officer?
A guinea pig.
What do you call a candle in armor?
A knight light.
Have you heard of the... uh Pokemon called uh rhy... rhy... Rhydon deez nuts?
What do you call a necrophiliac gangbang?
Cracking open a cold one with the boys.
What do you call a girl with an hourglass figure? -- A waist of time.
What do you call a gay dinosaur? Megasoreass.