Call jokes
What do you call a sheep covered in chocolate?
A candy baa.
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back? -- A stick.
What do you call a priest in a room full of naked boys?
A colonoscopy.
What does a cannibal call people in water?
Sea food.
What do you call disabled people in a hot tub? -- Vegetable soup.
How many Karens does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one...to call 911 and demand a cop come do something about the intimidating blackness.
Imagine working at the World Trade Center, only for Osama bin Laden to call and ask if he could crash at your place.
What do you call a retard with a boner? A slowpoke.
What do you call a peanut on the allergy table?
A kill streak.
What do you call a dead fly? -- A flew.
What do you call a gay dinosaur? Megasoreass.
I hate people who get offended here, like seriously, it's called dark humor for a reason.
What do you call a cow that just gave birth?
De-calf-inated.
What do you call an autistic kid with a gun?
Special Forces.
What do you call a candle in armor?
A knight light.
What do you call a dwarf police officer?
A guinea pig.
If someone calls you, reply with this: “Hi, this is Dave’s orphanage and pizzeria, where yesterday’s loss is today’s sauce! How may I assist you today?”
Three dead bodies are delivered to the mortuary one day. Each of them has a great big smile on their face.
The coroner examines the bodies and then calls the police to tell them what has happened.
"First body: Frenchman, 60, died of heart failure while making love to his mistress. Hence the enormous smile, Inspector," says the coroner.
"Second body: Scotsman, 25, won a thousand pounds on the lottery, spent it all on whisky. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile."
The inspector then asks, "What about the third body?"
"Ah," says the coroner, "This is the most unusual one. Billy-Bob the redneck from Oklahoma, 30, struck by lightning."
"Why is he smiling then?" asks the inspector.
"He thought he was having his picture taken."
What do you call a girl with an hourglass figure? -- A waist of time.
What do you call a necrophiliac gangbang?
Cracking open a cold one with the boys.