Call jokes
Me: "Comment if you love yourself and give me a reason."
Friends: comments give reason.
Me: "Notice how I commented nothing."
Day later:
Mom: Let me see your TikTok.
Me: Shows her the video.
Mom: calls suicide.
JK, she just beat me for posting a video on her.
Me: *Meets girl, starts to form crush* Me after I get enough courage to talk to her: “Are you a casket lid because I want you on top of me?”
“What do you call my friend group?” “Suicide Squad.”
What do you do when you see a lady in a wheelchair?
You grab a stick and put it through the wheelchair and call her nunchucks.
What do you call a deaf child?
-Ryan Simmonite-
So one time I had a dream where I was on a road trip and we drove a golf cart and a Susan, which I don’t know why the heck the name of the car was called a Susan.
We went into this house and there was like a woman there and we went into this bathroom which looked like a public bathroom, which was so weird!
Yo mama so fat, when she falls, they have to call 999 and a crane to pick her up.
Men should pay for the first date, that’s why it’s called a (men)u.
Then women should do the dishes, that’s why they call it a dish wash(her).
What do you call a chicken staring at a pile of lettuce?
A chicken sees a salad.
(Say it out loud if you don't get it!)
What do you call a bum person with a brain?
A hillbilly.
What do you call a dog that can do magic?
A Labracadabrador.
What does the long distance call and a Black person have in common?
They both don’t work.
What do you call a Muslim guy in a bathtub?
A bath bomb 💣
What do you call a one-legged Asian?
Tie Won Shoo.
What do you call a dinosaur with a cowboy hat and cowboy boots?
A Tyrannosaurus Tex.
Why am I banned from my Catholic orphanage?
Because the children kept calling me "daddy."
My doctor prescribed a new drug to treat my depression.
It’s called Enditol.
Son, why do I not have an Easter basket?
Mom, you're 23, you don't need one. Ends calls, child support.
What is it called when corn stalks have a baby?
The cream of the crop.
What do you call a three-humped camel?
Pregnant.
I'm what they call a ✨️askhole✨️.
A person who will consistently ask for your advice and wisdom, but then proceed to do the exact opposite of what you say.