But jokes

I was digging in a garden once and found a chest full of gold. I wanted to show my wife, but then I thought about why I was digging in the first place.

I remember locking my door, but then I went downstairs to hear someone say, "I'm inside your home." I said, "GTFO my house, BICH!"

I slit my wrist and said, "THAT'S A LOT OF DAMAGE!" So I did it again, but with a knife and said, "NOW *THAT'S* A LOT OF DAMAGE!" I then put watertight Flex Seal on the wound, and it didn't seal.

There are women's support groups, but where are men's support groups?

Lionel: Leona, please no more singing your annoying Fuzzy Bear song!

Leona: But I love my song, right Fuzzy?

Fuzzy Bear: I am going to bite you for not letting your sister sing my song!

*Fuzzy Bear bites Lionel*

Lionel: AHHHHHHH

I was trying to tell some people here to stop, but then I found out that the S was covered in blood from me assaulting someone.

I asked this kid for a high five, but he could not reach my hand.

In Ukraine, there was a massive wake-up call by Russia. But for some, the results were the opposite.

I was going to make alligator last night, but I noticed I only had a croc pot.

Your mom is just like Rapunzel, but instead of letting down her hair, she lets everyone down! OHHHHH!

This isn't a joke but...

GET IN THE VAN, JANICE!

I’m sorry, Chairy, but I don’t need four more legs.

My pits are hairy, but my I can carry.

I built a website for an orphanage, but it had no homepage.

Boys eat Frito Bandito, but men eat Guido Bandito.

My little brother is scared of ghosts so I won't let him watch Bayern today.

Okay, I may be strict, but I won't let Tapindowski give my son a heart attack. His shocking ghosting performance today is a danger to my family and I'll ask UEFA to investigate the matter.

The people in the World Trade Center ordered two pepperoni, but got two planes.

Stephen Hawking was a spac. But if you put an E on the end, you get space, and he loved that.

I always say no to drugs, but considering that I'm talking to them right now, I probably already said yes.

I have a joke about doors, but you can't handle it!😂