Business jokes
What sound does a baby make when you put it in a blender? I don’t know. I was too busy wanking.
A fat man coming in the store.
Waiter: Oh god, not again :|
Fat man: Hi, I would like three fries and 19 burgers.
Waiter: Sorry sir, you will get the owner's store out of stock on food. Can I get you a salad instead?
Fat man: Oh sorry, but I'm the owner, and I have a lot of stocks. For the record, you should get yourself my order. You're skinny af, girl. You trying to be a stick or something?
What does the receptionist at a sperm bank say when you leave?
"Thanks for coming. Hope you come again soon."
Why should you never fart in an Apple store?
Because they have no Windows!
Why did the gym close down? -- It just didn't work out.
The man was Indian. He moved to England because he wanted to learn, so got a job at the store. He learned how to say "register," then he was a business man. He learned how to say "59887," then "restaurant," so he learned how to say "fork and knives." So a man came with a knife. The cop came and asked the man which was the killer who killed him. He said, "Him," and pointed to the Indian man. The cop asked, "What did you use?" He said, "Register." The cop asked for ID. "59887." The cop asked, "Anything on you, forks and knife?" He said, "Me me me."
Why are Indians so good at football?
Each time they get a corner, they open a shop.
How do you make a hotdog stand? You take away its chair.
Welcome to Dave's orphanage. You make 'em, we take 'em!
What do you call a shedding Panera Bread?
Panera Shed.
If a CEO goes blind, are they just an EO?
A man walks into the taxidermist with two monkeys. The taxidermist asked if he wanted them mounted. The man said, "No. Shaking hands will be fine."
Having survived a severe injury in my past, I'm kind of glad paramedics didn't succeed in bringing the United Healthcare CEO back.
I was suffering so bad I got delirious and thought that the nurses were putting poison in my water cup.
That CEO was so hated that one of the nurses probably WOULD have slipped him something!
Your hairline is so curved that McDonald's hired you to be their "M."
Five little monkeys jumping on the bed, One fell off and bumped his head. The momma called the doctor and the doctor said... “We’re calling Child Protective Services.”
What does Stephen Hawking have in common with Bill Gates? One stands, the other doesn't.
Was busy robbing a house as quietly as possible and saw a woman catching me in the act, decided to get her in on the act and gave away my location from the noise.
Why did the rapper open a bakery?
Because they wanted to bake some BEATS.
Have you ever seen the clown in Walmart that hides from gay people?
No..... Really?
Hahaha
Grasshole.
Why did the Twin Towers report to the pizza restaurant?
Because they asked for pepperoni, but they got plain.