Welcome to David's Morgue, you stab 'em, we slab 'em!
Which company likes Jesus the most?
IHS Markit!
What is Instagram called in USA?
Instaounce.
I heard this was a really popular funeral home. People are dying to get in.
I pushed a disabled kid down a busy road and yelled out, "Mario Kart!"
Subway trying to commemorate 9/11: CRASH INTO SUBWAY THIS SUBTEMBER 11TH TO GET 2 FOOTLONG SUBS FOR ONLY $9.11, THAT'S 2 FOOTLONG SUBS FOR $9.11 AND WATCH THEM FALL... INTO YOUR MOUTH!
What was OceanGate's biggest regret?
Not painting Dylan Mulvaney on the side of the Titan submarine for when it sunk like Bud Light's profits.
Yo mama so fat she made KFC go bankrupt.
I used to be a baker, but I decided to quit my job and stick my dough inside WOMEN’S bakeries.
A man had moved to a new country with his dog and with basic understanding of the language. One day he heard people talking about a place for dogs, so he took his dog there, telling them he wanted his dog to be groomed.
The man behind the counter responded with "yes happy dog, come back in little hours." So the man left and came back a couple hours later. When he asked about his dog, he was given a box of jerky. He found out "Happy Dog" was the name of the place where dogs become food.
What sound does a baby make when you put it in a blender? I don’t know. I was too busy wanking.
What did the pimp order at the Chinese restaurant?
He ordered some cock-bang-ho.
What do you call a cow grazing a field with 50% grass and 50% weed?
High steaks gambling.
What happens when Steven Hawking dies?
Take his iPad to Cash Converters.
What do you call an epileptic midget that works at Little Caesars?
Little Seizures.
why cant orphans open a family business. because there is no family
What's the difference between an orphanage and a supermarket?
People actually want stuff in a supermarket.
Michael Jackson goes to his favorite bakery and says to the workers, "This is my favorite baker, hehe."
Why is Trump always in debt? His university isn't paid off yet!
"I've only been ripped off twice in my life. The first time was when I ordered three kebabs and they only delivered two. The second time was when we signed Cristiano Ronaldo."
-Al Nassr owner
