Burning Jokes

If anyone's joke here says "burn in hell", I will mimic your account for the rest of your life.

A man driving along a country road sees a little girl crying next to a cliff. He gets out and says, "Aw, what's the matter little girl?" She points off the cliff and at the bottom is the family car, burning with everyone inside all mangled and dead. The man unbuckles his pants and says, "Little girl, today just ain't your day."

I have double standards, burn a body at a crematorium and you're being a respectful friend; do it at home and you're destroying evidence.

I got arrested because I cremated a guy. They said the guy had been alive when I burned him. I mean, it's an early cremation—what's the difference?

I would roast you but I'm not supposed to burn trash.

Where was stephen hawkings during the house fire... the top of the stairs

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

Comment on this if you are some what like me. Depressed, Single, Gay, and acts like your not burning inside.

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

Q: What do Moses and hookers have in common?

A: They've dealt with a burning bush

They say during sex you burn offas many calories as running 8 miles. Who the fuck runs 8 miles in 30 seconds

Little Johnny was in kindergarten and his teacher said, "okay everyone, Tomorrow you must come to school and recite the first three letters of the alphabet". Johnny didn't know the alphabet so he decided to ask his family. He walked in the kitchen to find his mom on the phone. He says, "Mamma, what's the first letter of the alphabet?" His mom doesn't notice him standing there and says, "If you don't shut the fuck up right now-" So he goes to find his brother watching TV and he says, "Tommy what's the Second letter of the alphabet?" His brother doesn't notice him and says, "I'm Batman". So He went to his Grandma who was knitting and says, "Grandma what's the third letter of the Alphabet?" The grandma then realizes she left her biscuits in the oven for too long and says, "My biscuits are burning! My Biscuits are burning!" Satisfied with the answers given to him he thinks it over and goes to school the next morning. When his teacher come to Johnny she says, "Johnny what are the first three letters of the alphabet?" "If you don't shut the fuck up right now" - Johnny "Who do you think you are young man to talk to someone like me that way?" - teacher "I'm Batman" - Johnny The teacher whups his ass and little johnny says, "My biscuits are burning! My Biscuits are burning!"

Later that day he understands what happened and can't tell which was worse that he accidentally cussed to his teacher or that his family was ignoring him.

To spite Santa and Greta Thunberg.. I'm burning the coal i got for Christmas

yo momma's so hairy that when the baby came out it got rug burn

A flock of swallows were migrating south as a jet flew past them. "Why was that one flying so fast?" asked one. Another answers "Can't you see his tail is burning?"