🌍:You’re so hot!
🌎:How are you single? ☀️:I burn anyone who gets too close!

Remember kids, when you’re angry, burn down an orphanage. Then they’ll really be living the hard knock life.

Yeah, I keep telling everyone 9/11 jokes but they all just crash and burn.

I was going to make a 9/11 joke, but im afraid it will crash and burn.

I hate double standards. Burn a body at a crematorium, you’re “being a respectful friend.” Do it at home and you’re “destroying evidence.”

I don’t usually like to tell 9/11 jokes for two reasons~ they’re morally wrong, and they tend to crash and burn.

Imagine being named Colby and you burn yourself

I think that church is super burning 🥵

What is your body like? Soft

Things said by racist aliens:

“Some of my best friends are Green.” “I just know that Orange guy stole my spaceship.” “You’re very pretty for a Purple girl.” “We know you Tentacletians like to rape everyone with your tentacles!” “Adax Hitao should have finished off you Bluish people.” “You 2-headed people are so stupid!” “No Slimatians are allowed in this restaurant because of health codes.” “Get out of my store you grigger!” “The Plu Plux Plum meeting is tonight! Let’s burn some spaceships on the Greenies’ lawns!”

My uncle got really badly burned the other day. They don’t fuck around at the crematorium.

never joke about 911 they’ll just crash and burn

Sans: I like eating ketchup, don’t believe me? It’s ASRIEL as it gets! UT Sans to UT pap: You FORGHETTIE the spaghetti!!! Ink sans: umm lust? That’s INKAPPROPRIATE! Fell sans: I hate these double standards…if you burn a body at a crematoriom you’re doing “a good job” do it at home and your “destroying evidence.” Error sans: every time you make a typo, the errorists win…

Yo mama so stupid, she tried to straighten her pubic hair and burned her balls.

Two gay guys are in a burning building, who gets out first. The one on the top or the bottom?

The bottom because his shits already packed.

Muslims Don’t need weed they’ve got the Koran You burn that sh*t and your gonna get stoned

It was September 10, 2001 when I stayed up watching TV shows. I woke up late to work at The World Trade Center. But it was burning. I said out loud, " I was late! I’m happy I was late to work! I mean… I could’ve di-" I was then beaten and bruised by the emergency services.

Sun: Hi, I am the sun! I want to warm you up… Human: :D Sun: I want to BuRn you… Human: … Sun: I want to… KILL… you… Human: I should be going now Sun: LET ME KILL YOU Human: Screams his last sound

How did the hipster burn his lips -he drank his coffee before it was cool

i joke about 9/11 cause if i did it would have a tendency to crash and burn.

Yo mama so hairy,when the baby came out,the baby died because of carpet burning

What did one Koala say to the other?

Help me I’m burning. Aaaugh!!! Oh fuck oh fuck I’m on fire!! AAAAuuggh!

God creates a wasp :) God: Okay, so make it reeeeally tiny. Like less than half a fly. Angel: okay… a bug. God: now give it’s face a sword, but it has a hole so it’s basically a mouth. Angel: weird… but okay… God: and give it wings. Angel: eh, not half bad Go- God: NOW MAKE IT EAT THE BLOOD OF ALL LIVING ANIMALS AND HUMANS Angel: shook o-okay God: okay. Now make sure whenever a human is bit it feels the pain of a million suns burning it, making it scratch until it bleeds out. Angel: .-. God: and make sure it also transfers diseases through the species. Give ‘em a taste ‘o that! evil grin Angel: cries Angel: whispers; I’m so sorry…

yo mama so hairy you got carpet burn when u was born

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