Burning jokes

What's the last thing emos feel before they die? Rope burn.

Three men are traveling through the desert when their single camel dies. They walk for a while, but then it becomes night. Desperate for shelter, they suddenly stumble across a tent, and inside are three beautiful women. The men were not only lost but horny, too, so they begin to have sex with the women. But the tent belongs to a prince, and these three women were his wives, so he is very angry when he arrives an hour later and sees three strangers having sex with his wives. He tells the three men he will chop off their penises as punishment, in some way relating to their job. He asks the first man what his job is:

The guy says, "I'm a fireman."

The prince says, "Then we'll burn your dick off!"

The second guy says, "I'm an employee at the shooting range."

The prince says, "Then we'll shoot your dick off!"

The third guy smiles and says, "I'm a lollipop salesman."

I was told to burn calories, so I threw your mom in the fire.

I think Paul Walker and 9/11 jokes are great, but when I tell them to others, they tend to crash and burn.

Why do we not have female magicians? Because last time we had them, we burned them alive.

Doctor: "Does your penis burn after intercourse?"

Patient: "I don't know. I never tried lighting it."

I hate jokes about 9/11... every joke has the tendency to crash and burn.

"I didn't get the joke at first, but then it hit me like a plane," the joke was so dark a cop almost shot it.

Yo mamma is so dumb that she smokes to burn calories!

I wish that people would stop mailing jokes about Kobe Bryant. Guys, all they do is crash and burn!

Chuck Norris doesn't get sun burns. The sun knows better.

What do you call Stephen Hawking in a burning building?

Hot Wheels.

I would tell jokes about Kobe, but they would just crash and burn.

You call it a burning orphanage. I call it FNAF lore.

The KGB, the FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove they are the best at catching criminals. The Secretary-General of the UN decides to set them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest, and each of them has to catch it.

The CIA people go in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations, they conclude that the rabbit does not exist.

The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads, they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and make no apologies: the rabbit had it coming.

The KGB goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling:

"Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"

How to catch Bigfoot: 1. Dig a large pit. 2. Build a fire in the pit and let it burn all the way to ashes. 3. Place small green peas all around the rim of the pit. 4. Hide in the bushes and wait. When Bigfoot goes to take a pea, kick him in the ash hole.

If someone burns to death, do they get a discount at the crematorium?

Give a man fire, and he'll be warm for a day.

Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

Kobe Bryant and 9/11 are two things I don't joke about because when I do, they tend to crash and burn.

Once my friend's bakery burned down... His business is toast.

What do you call a kid in a wheelchair on fire?

Hot wheels.