Burning jokes
Kobe is a legend and is nothing to joke about. Wait till you crash and burn!
Ever wondered how Jesus got rid of the cross that killed him?
Burned it in a hellish fire to make some firewood.
When Chuck Norris wants to burn calories, he throws fat children into the fire.
I told my friend you should definitely quit smoking, but he could not find me because he was already up in flames.
911 what's your emergency?
"Burning in toaster."
"Toast?"
"Yeah so your calling 911 because of burnt toast?"
"Set fire to my forest!"
"You look like Barney, I'm choking you too, and your face is turning all purple and blue!"
How did Helen Keller burn the side of her head? She answered the iron.
How'd she burn the other side? They called back.
POV: You're at school and you just enjoy your day.
Now once you found a bully and he said, "I will burn you in fire," then you just punched him out of the school and got detention. You escaped and walked home, but the bully came and ROASTED you. He threw you in the garbage, but you took off his clothes and even his underwear. You escape the bin and took a shower and had a good day after.
Yeah, I keep telling everyone 9/11 jokes, but they all just crash and burn.
Bully: My mom says I'm not allowed to burn trash.
Me: (quiet)
Bully: HEY I'M TALKING TO YOU.
Me: Are you talking to yourself? Because I was listening to music until I heard you.
What do you call a kid in a wheelchair on fire?
Hot Wheels.
I never make that type of joke. They always seem to crash and burn.
Hi, I got fired. Oh, don't know which fire? Oh, the one that I got burned on, the volcano.
I'd make a 9/11 joke, but it wouldn't fly anymore.
And if I tried it, it would probably crash and burn.
It just wouldn't help my comedy career take off.
My uncle got really badly burned the other day.
They don't fuck around at the crematorium.
How hot do pistons burn?
Hot enough to burn your house down.
What do you call a burning church?
Holy smokes.
I remember you. You used to be an ash.
I would love to roast you more, but my mom said to not burn trash.
My wife asked me to get her a puppy. I agreed and went to an animal shelter. As I was searching for a puppy, a fire was set, and the entire animal shelter burned down.
A few hours later, I returned to my wife. She knew I had no puppies and asked why. I replied, "I couldn't find any." She understood but was upset, so I gave her something that I did get. She said, "Wow! This is good, what smokehouse did you get this at?"
A Catholic school is burning down. One of the priests says, "Save the children, save them!" Another priest says, "F*ck the children, we're gonna die!!" The last priest is like, "Hmmm... do we have time?"