What's the last thing emos feel before they die? Rope burn.
Three men are traveling through the desert when their single camel dies. They walk for a while, but then it becomes night. Desperate for shelter, they suddenly stumble across a tent, and inside are three beautiful women. The men were not only lost but horny, too, so they begin to have sex with the women. But the tent belongs to a prince, and these three women were his wives, so he is very angry when he arrives an hour later and sees three strangers having sex with his wives. He tells the three men he will chop off their penises as punishment, in some way relating to their job. He asks the first man what his job is:
The guy says, "I'm a fireman."
The prince says, "Then we'll burn your dick off!"
The second guy says, "I'm an employee at the shooting range."
The prince says, "Then we'll shoot your dick off!"
The third guy smiles and says, "I'm a lollipop salesman."
I think Paul Walker and 9/11 jokes are great, but when I tell them to others, they tend to crash and burn.
I was told to burn calories, so I threw your mom in the fire.
Doctor: "Does your penis burn after intercourse?"
Patient: "I don't know. I never tried lighting it."
I hate jokes about 9/11... every joke has the tendency to crash and burn.
"I didn't get the joke at first, but then it hit me like a plane," the joke was so dark a cop almost shot it.
Why do we not have female magicians? Because last time we had them, we burned them alive.
I wish that people would stop mailing jokes about Kobe Bryant. Guys, all they do is crash and burn!
Yo mamma is so dumb that she smokes to burn calories!
Chuck Norris doesn't get sun burns. The sun knows better.
I would tell jokes about Kobe, but they would just crash and burn.
You call it a burning orphanage. I call it FNAF lore.
If someone burns to death, do they get a discount at the crematorium?
Why does everyone get offended at female firefighters?
Like seriously, if your house is on fire and burning, you wouldn't really care if the person saving you had a low IQ, right?
Give a man fire, and he'll be warm for a day.
Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
What do you call Stephen Hawking in a burning building?
Hot Wheels.
Kobe Bryant and 9/11 are two things I don't joke about because when I do, they tend to crash and burn.
The KGB, the FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove they are the best at catching criminals. The Secretary-General of the UN decides to set them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest, and each of them has to catch it.
The CIA people go in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations, they conclude that the rabbit does not exist.
The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads, they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and make no apologies: the rabbit had it coming.
The KGB goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling:
"Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"
What do you call a kid in a wheelchair on fire?
Hot wheels.
A child is determined to burn his home down. His dad watched, tears in his eyes. He put his arm across the mother and stated, “That’s arson.”
