Little Natalie was playing with matches. Her mother caught her, took them, whupped her and told her never to play with matches again. A few minutes later, Little Natalie was playing with matches again. The curtains caught fire and the house burned down. Another few minutes later, when she and her mother were sitting at their neighbors, her mother told her: If you think I gave you a whupping, wait till your father gets home! Little Natalie just cackled with delight, because she knew her father had gotten home earlier and gone upstairs to take a nap.
Someone told me that you can let out all your anger by writing letters about everyone you hate and then burning them…
But I was just wondering… should I keep the letters?
I hate these double standards.
if you burn a body at a crematorium you’re "doing a good job" if you do it at home you’re “destroying evidence”
Why did Helen Keller burn her hands? Because she was trying to read the waffle iron.
My doctor told me that I had to burn calories, so I took a fat kid and lit them on fire
I dont like 9 11 jokes they have a tendency to crash and burn
So there was a kid named Bobby, and he was writing notes. He asked his mother, who was on a phone call, what is one plus one? She said I HATE YOU. Then he asked his brother what is 2 + 2, who was watching a Batman movie, said, NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU BATMAN! Then he asked his dad what is 4 plus 4, who was playing football, said 85 SMACK EM DOWN! Then he asked his sister 8+8, (she was playing with barbies), and she said, My buns are burning. Then he went to school and told her teacher the first note he wrote down. The teacher sent him to the principal’s office. The principal yelled, WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?! Bobby said, NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU BATMAN! The principal yelled, HOW MANY SPANKINGS DO YOU WANT?! Then he said, 85 SMACK EM DOWN! Then he walked away from the principal’s office and said, my buns are burning.
last night i burned down an orphanage there was one survivor who said i would regret it i said “what are you gonna do, tell your parents?”
A priest and a rabbi run out of a burning church and the Priest says “what about the children” the rabbi says “fuck the children” and the Priest says "do you think we’ll have time
I was having issues in my personal and professional life. I hated everyone. I was on the brink of a mental breakdown and depression. I decided to see a therapist about it. The therapist suggested that I should write letters to the people I hate and then burn them. I must admit I feel much better…
But now I don’t know what to do with the letters.
I’d make 9/11 jokes but they’d just crash and burn.
I don’t usually tell 911 jokes the usually crash and burn
How did helen keller burn the side of her head? she answered the iron How’d she burn the other side? They called back
What is burned dark and glued to the wall? A bad electrician
Q: you want to know way I don’t make jokes about 9/11 A: They tend to crash and burn
I don’t like making jokes about 9/11… they tend to crash and burn.
I would roast you but burning trash is bad for the environment.
why do we not have female magicians because last time we had them we burned them alive
What’s the last thing emos feel before they die? Rope burn.