Fire

Anonymous

Little Natalie was playing with matches. Her mother caught her, took them, whupped her and told her never to play with matches again. A few minutes later, Little Natalie was playing with matches again. The curtains caught fire and the house burned down. Another few minutes later, when she and her mother were sitting at their neighbors, her mother told her: If you think I gave you a whupping, wait till your father gets home! Little Natalie just cackled with delight, because she knew her father had gotten home earlier and gone upstairs to take a nap.

Letter

Anonymous

Someone told me that you can let out all your anger by writing letters about everyone you hate and then burning them…

But I was just wondering… should I keep the letters?

Body

g and g jokes

I hate these double standards.

if you burn a body at a crematorium you’re "doing a good job" if you do it at home you’re “destroying evidence”

Fat

Anonymous

My doctor told me that I had to burn calories, so I took a fat kid and lit them on fire

4

Hand

DrunkenKitty

Why did Helen Keller burn her hands? Because she was trying to read the waffle iron.

0

Crash

9 11

I dont like 9 11 jokes they have a tendency to crash and burn

4

Alphabet

Anonymous

So there was a kid named Bobby, and he was writing notes. He asked his mother, who was on a phone call, what is one plus one? She said I HATE YOU. Then he asked his brother what is 2 + 2, who was watching a Batman movie, said, NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU BATMAN! Then he asked his dad what is 4 plus 4, who was playing football, said 85 SMACK EM DOWN! Then he asked his sister 8+8, (she was playing with barbies), and she said, My buns are burning. Then he went to school and told her teacher the first note he wrote down. The teacher sent him to the principal’s office. The principal yelled, WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?! Bobby said, NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU BATMAN! The principal yelled, HOW MANY SPANKINGS DO YOU WANT?! Then he said, 85 SMACK EM DOWN! Then he walked away from the principal’s office and said, my buns are burning.

5

Orphan

deceased_orphan

last night i burned down an orphanage there was one survivor who said i would regret it i said “what are you gonna do, tell your parents?”

9

Priest

Anonymous

A priest and a rabbi run out of a burning church and the Priest says “what about the children” the rabbi says “fuck the children” and the Priest says "do you think we’ll have time

4

Crash

Anon

I’d make 9/11 jokes but they’d just crash and burn.

Iron

Anonymous

How did helen keller burn the side of her head? she answered the iron How’d she burn the other side? They called back

3

Twin Towers

Anonymous

Q: you want to know way I don’t make jokes about 9/11 A: They tend to crash and burn

4

Shooting

Anonymous

Three men are travelling through the desert when their single camel dies. They walk for a while but then it becomes night. Desperate for shelter, suddenly they stumble across a tent and inside is three beautiful women. The men were not only lost but horny too so they begin to have sex with the women. But the tent belongs to a prince and these three women were his wives so he is very angry when he arrives an hour later and sees three strangers having sex with his wives. He tells the three men he will chop off their penises as punishment, in some way relating to their job. He asks the first man what his job is: The guy says, "I’m a fireman" The prince says, "Then we’ll burn your dick off!" The second guy says, "I’m an employee at the shooting range" The prince says, "Then we’ll shoot your dick off!" The third guy smiles and says, "I’m a lollipop salesman

6

Darkness

Razor

What is burned dark and glued to the wall? A bad electrician

Emo

Anonymous

What’s the last thing emos feel before they die? Rope burn.

Time

yours truly your mum

why do we not have female magicians because last time we had them we burned them alive

Paul Walker

Anonymous

I would make a Paul Walker joke, but it would crash and burn.

Puns

Anonymous

How did the hipster burn his tongue? – He drank his coffee before it was cool.

1

Roast

Anonymous

Bully: I would roast you but my mom told me not to burn trash Me: 🤔So that’s why you haven’t burnt yourself yet🤔

Alabama

Sweet Home Alabama

Did you hear that the governor’s mansion in Alabama burned down? Almost took out the whole trailer park.