A flock of swallows were migrating south as a jet flew past them.
"Why was that one flying so fast?" asked one. Another answers, "Can't you see his tail is burning?"
911 what's your emergency?
"Burning in toaster."
"Toast?"
"Yeah so your calling 911 because of burnt toast?"
"Set fire to my forest!"
What do dropouts and Boeing 767s have in common?
They crash and burn.
I told my friend you should definitely quit smoking, but he could not find me because he was already up in flames.
The sexy towers are just like my sexy toes because when I crashed a plane into the tower, it burned and bled.
I'm going to burn Braden Mitchell Kniffen's house down.
God, you’re having a good day?
Me: Yes, beats burning in hell.
Why shouldn't you make fun of burn victims?
Because they've already been roasted!
A chemical store burned down, and the firefighter just stood there, but at the end, the store fire just went out by itself. But the store owner still got angry.
Store owner: Why didn't you take out the fire?
Firefighter: Yeah, but it went out by itself.
Store owner: But still, why?
Firefighter: Your chemical store sells H20.
Store owner: Oh, I get it now!
Two gay guys are in a burning building, who gets out first? The one on the top or the bottom?
The bottom because his sh*t's already packed.
Why is the sun so attractive? Because it is burning hot!
🌍: You're so hot!
🌎: How are you single?
☀️: I burn anyone who gets too close!
Yo mama so hairy, you almost died from a rug burn
Jokes about the Twin towers and planes usually crash and burn
"You look like Barney, I'm choking you too, and your face is turning all purple and blue!"
My uncle got really badly burned the other day.
They don't fuck around at the crematorium.
I intern at an orphanage that burned down this weekend with 30 kids inside.
Thankfully, I don’t have to call and tell their parents.
Why do 911 jokes always fail?
They always crash and burn!
9/11 jokes aren’t funny.
They always crash and burn.
*text conversation boy: When you kiss someone, you burn 15 calories. Wanna burn calories together sometime?
girl: Are you saying I'm fat?
