Burning

Burning jokes

Song

    • I live inside my own world of make-believe. Kids screaming in their cradles, profanities. I see the world through eyes covered in ink and bleach. Cross out the ones who heard my cries and watched me weep. I love everything. Fire's spreading all around my room. My world's so bright. It's hard to breathe, but that's alright. Hush, shh.

    Tape my eyes open to force reality (oh no, no). Why can't you just let me eat my weight in glee? I live inside my own world of make-believe. Kids screaming in their cradles, profanities. Some days I feel skinnier than all the other days, And some days I can't tell if my body belongs to me. I love everything. Fire's spreading all around my room. My world's so bright. It's hard to breathe, but that's alright. Hush, shh.

    I wanna taste your content. Hold your breath and feel the tension. Devils hide behind redemption. Honesty is a one-way gate to hell. I wanna taste consumption. Breathe faster to waste oxygen. Hear the children sing aloud. It's music 'til the wick burns out. Hush.

    Just wanna be carefree lately, yeah. Just kicking up daisies. Got one too many quarters in my pockets. Count 'em like the four-leaf clovers in my locket. Untied laces, yeah. Just tripping on daydreams. Got dirty little lullabies playing on repeat. Might as well just rot around the nursery and count sheep.

  • 3

    • Cremation

    • I got arrested because I cremated a guy. They said the guy had been alive when I burned him. I mean, it's an early cremation—what's the difference?

  • 0

    • KGB

    • The KGB, the FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove they are the best at catching criminals. The Secretary-General of the UN decides to set them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest, and each of them has to catch it.

    The CIA people go in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations, they conclude that the rabbit does not exist.

    The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads, they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and make no apologies: the rabbit had it coming.

    The KGB goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling:

    "Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"

  • 1
    • Burning memes

    Bout

    • Person 1: Did you hear the joke bout 9/11?

    Person 2: No, but it'll probably crash and burn.

  • 0

    • Mom

    • Mom, shut up. Me? I don't shut up, I grow up. When I look at you, I throw up.

    Guy

    • Two gay guys are in a burning building, who gets out first? The one on the top or the bottom?

    The bottom because his sh*t's already packed.

  • 0

    • Boy

    • Little boy asked his dad why he was born black.

    Father replied, "So the heat from the sun doesn't burn your skin."

    Then he asks, "Why is our hair all frizzy like fuse wire?"

    "So the coconuts when falling from the trees won't hurt you."

    "Then what are we doing living in Rochdale? (England)"

  • 1

    • Orphanage

    • I intern at an orphanage that burned down this weekend with 30 kids inside.

    Thankfully, I don’t have to call and tell their parents.