Book jokes
"Immobile" means "I'm mobile" in my books.
In kindergarten, we were starting to learn how to use "big kid words." On Monday, the teacher asked everyone to share what they did over the weekend, but we had to use big kid words.
Eventually it got to my turn, and the teacher asked me what I did over the summer. I told her I read a book. She asked me what book, and to remember to use "big kid words." I'll never forget the horrified look on her face when I replied with "Winnie the Shit."
I was reading a book about an immortal dog yesterday...
It was impossible to put down.
They put the woman's rights in the fantasy section in the library.
Doctor: What makes you feel depressed?
Me: Seeing others happy.
Doctor: Ok, so what makes you happy?
Me: Seeing stupid people in misery or agony.
Doctor: Well, that's rather sadistic.
Me: Well, statistically one in two doctors have fingered a child...
Doctor: Do you want your prescription or shall I book you an endoscopy?
Me: There's nothing hidden inside me, I'm empty "smug face".
How did Helen Keller’s parents punish her? They handed her a basketball and told her to “read this book”.
I bought a book for my blind friend.
Why did the library book go to the doctor?
It needed to be checked out.
Hey, wanna read here? Have a comet book.
I just wrote a book on reverse psychology. Do not read it.
What’s a gay person’s favorite book?
The dictionary.
Guys, don’t put the Holocaust books in the fiction section, it was the worst mistake of my life!
What do you call a teen wizard who just went through puberty?
Hairy Potter.
What is a glory hole at the adult book store used for?
Campaign contributions to the Republican Party.
What does one math book say to the other? -- "Don't bother me. I've got my own problems!"
You're so wonderful that Wonderland booked tickets to meet you!
What does B.I.B.L.E stand for?
Bullshit In Book Lacking Evidence.
Me: I'm sorry, Aaron.
Aaron: Why?
Me: Your parents couldn't be bothered to look past page one in the big book of baby names.
I was reading a great book about an immortal cat the other day. It was impossible to put it down.
Why did the math book go to the psychologist?
It had too many problems.