Read jokes

You got a dig bick.

You read that wrong.

You read that wrong too.

Maybe you read that wrong as well.

You just went and back-checked.

You reread all of that.

You have a pet wussy.

You read that wrong...

You need mental help.

What do planets like to read? Comet books!

How did Helen Keller’s parents punish her? They handed her a basketball and told her to “read this book”.

I was reading a book about an immortal dog yesterday...

It was impossible to put down.

I bought my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday. A week later, he told me it was the most violent book he ever read.

We wrote letters to a kid with cancer. My letter read, "It's a bumpy road but soon you will have a straight path." People didn't realize it was meant for his heart monitor.

A husband got a message from his neighbor one day. It read, "Hey, I'm sorry I had to tell you like this but I have been doing your wife for months now." The husband went to go grab his gun and shot his wife. He hid the evidence and a few hours later he got another message from his neighbor saying, "Sorry, meant using your wifi."

Q: What’s the difference between me and you?

A: I’m not wasting my time reading this joke.

I've just started reading my first ever Braille horror story, and I think that something scary is about to happen. I can feel it.

I read the Brothers Grimm books, then I see a black figure reaping about.

I realized someone has died, but I don't do anything about it. I continue to read, and that's when I realized that I was one of the characters, in which at the end, dies.

I read a book on the Tracy Latimer case the other day.

It was a gas.

When a redhead commits a mass shooting, does the headline read, "Ginger snaps"?

9/11 hahahahaha. Lawrence, I hope you read this!

What's only book rapeboat ever read? Rhyming dictionary, he got no rhymes without it.

What do you call a girl that likes reading? Page.

Read this slow: I 1 2 4 Q?

If I were an object in this world, I'd be a glass! Because if you leave me when I'm too close to the edge, I will likely shatter and break.

If I was a pizza topping, I would be pineapple! Because everybody doubts me.

I'm a star! Because one of these days, I'm going to crash and burn...

If I could choose what creature I come back as after I die, I'd be a panda, because people would give a shit if I went extinct.

I'm like the sun; I'm painful to look at.

If I was a food, I would be chopped liver because nobody likes me.

I'm like an eggshell... broken and empty.

If I was a mythical creature, I'd be a unicorn! Because nobody believes in me.

I'm like a flashlight with old batteries inside because my inner light died a long time ago.

My soul is a raisin because it's dried up, shriveled, and not everyone likes it.

I'm like the moon because you only get to see one side of me.

I'm like the moon because as the month progresses, my life becomes covered more and more by darkness.

I'm like an extremely powerful fan! Because I push everyone away.

I'm like a disposable camera! People use me once and then just throw me away.

I'm like a shitty book cover... because people think they have the right to judge and label me before they read my pages.

My brain and body is essentially a really old married couple that can't afford to go through with the divorce, and now they are stuck in a toxic relationship they are desperate to escape, but the more they try, the more they sink into the quicksand that is my depression and anxiety.

Help me....

Parents: Why do you use your phone on the toilet?

Me: The same reason you read the newspaper on the toilet.

If you read this, you are gay/lesbian.

I threw a paper airplane at the twin sisters. The teacher was upset. I guess they don't read the news.