Check

The Dirty Freak

You got a dig bick.

You that read wrong.

You read that wrong too.

Maybe you that read wrong as well.

You just went and back checked.

You reread of all that.

You have a pet wussy.

You that read wrong…

You need mental help.

Wife

Funny Joke

A husband got a message from his neighbor one day. It read “Hey im sorry i had to tell you like this but i have been doing your wife for months now” The husband went to go grab his gun and shot his wife. He hid the evidence and a few hours later he got another message from his neighbor saying “Sorry meant using your wifi”

7

Week

Trint

I bought my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday. A week later, he told me it was the most violent book he ever read.

3

Difference

Anonymous

Q: What’s the difference between me and you? A: I’m not wasting my time reading this joke.

9

Straight

Cranbox

We wrote letters to a kid with cancer. My letter read “its a bumpy road but soon u will have a straight path.” People didnt realize it was meant for his heart monitor.

Planet

Bobby Bob Bobs

What do planets like to read? Comet books!

Horror

Anonymous

I’ve just started reading my first ever Braille horror story and I think that something scary is about to happen. I can feel it.

0

Hand

Dick Dick

How did Hellen Keller’s parents punish her? They handed her a basketball as told her to “read this book”.

0

Helen

Mercy Shore

Hellen keller picked up a cheese grater, it was the most violent story she’d ever read.

Sadness

Funny but sad.

I’m funny but sad I submit jokes you’ll love. Look for my name in jokes you’ve read. Anyway.

What did the man with no hands get for his birthday? Gloves. Just kidding he didn’t have the chance to open the gifts.

4

Stare

Anonymous

Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He just stares them down and gets the information he wants.

Hand

DrunkenKitty

Why did Helen Keller burn her hands? Because she was trying to read the waffle iron.

0

Depression

Sad and lonely

If I was an object in this world I’d be a glass! Because if you leave me when I’m too close to the edge I will likely shatter and break.

If I was a pizza topping I would be pineapple! Because everybody doubts me.

I’m a star! Because one of these days I’m going to crash and burn…

If I could choose what creature I come back as after I die I’d be a panda, because people would give a shit if I went extinct.

I’m like the sun; I’m painful to look at.

If I was a food I would be chopped liver because nobody likes me.

I’m like an eggshell… broken and empty.

If I was a mythical creature I’d be a unicorn! Because nobody believes in me.

I’m like a flashlight with old batteries inside because my inner light died a long time ago.

My soul is a raisin because it’s dried up shriveled, and not everyone likes it.

I’m like the moon because you only get to see one side of me.

I’m like the moon because as the month progresses my life becomes covered more and more by darkness.

I’m like an Ex streamly powerful fan! Because I push everyone away.

I’m like a disposable camera! People use me once and then just throw me away.

I’m like a shity book cover… because people think they have the right to judge and label me before they read my pages.

My brain and body is essentially a really old married couple that can’t afford to go through with the divorce and now they are stuck in a toxic relationship they are desperate to escape but the more they try the more they sink into the quicksand that is my depression and anxiety

Help me…

Number

Anonymous

Why was 6 afraid to go camping with 7?

Because 7 ONEted TWO bring THREE knives FOUR surFIVEal, but 6 secretly knew that 7 hEIGHTed him, and didn’t have beNINE inTENtions.

Read this out loud to yourself and it’ll make sense. ;)

Pants

Anonymous

why did helen keller wear skin tight pants?

so you could read her lips

0

Impossible

Anonymous

I was reading a book about an immortal dog yesterday…

It was impossible to put down

Depression

I won’t reply on every jokes today because I want to say thanks (to everyone) for making funny jokes here… Every time I have a bad day (almost everyday), I always go here and read relatable jokes, its makes me happy and its making me less anxious. I am really stressed on my school works and everything, I feel that I’m being left alone. Everyone compares me to others and all I can do is listen. I don’t get enough sleep because of it… Reading these jokes entertain me and making me laugh so hard. *I apologize for my grammar

Letter

EGGthegamer

I bet you $12345678901234567890 that you didn’t read that number and you didn’t notice that a put a letter in it, no i didn’t but you went back and looked didn’t you.

Week

Jimmy

I got my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday. He came back a week later and said it was the most violent book he’s ever read.

Guy

Fuzzie

About the guy who gave Stevie Wonder a cheese grater… He thought it was the most violent book he’d ever read…