Why did Kamala Harris visit the library?
To check out some “law” books and maybe return a few skeletons.
I was reading a great book about an immortal cat the other day. It was impossible to put it down.
What did the blind kid say after receiving a cheese grater for Christmas?
"This is the most violent book I’ve ever read."
I told my brother if he wanted to have a wonderful first day of school, then he should put a cookbook in the women's sports section at the school library.
My favorite thing to do in libraries is put cookbooks in the women’s sports section.
One time a blind person grabbed my arm thinking it was something else.
"Oh wow, this is such an interesting book!"
I found a book called "How to Solve 50% of Your Problems." So I bought 2.
I feel bad for the kids at Sandy Hook. All they wanted was books, but got magazines instead.
Why did the rapper get kicked out of the library?
Because he was too loud with his FLOW.
A buddy and I checked out some books from a local library. When we returned them, he said, "Your sister works the returns, right?" I told him, "Yes, she does, and she will be here in about five minutes." He said, "Why don’t we put a cookbook in the women’s sports section?" I told him, "I love it!" So I picked out a Reese Witherspoon book.
What's only book rapeboat ever read? Rhyming dictionary, he got no rhymes without it.
How do rappers stay organized?
With rhyme books instead of planners!
Why did the rapper bring a suitcase to the studio?
Because he was packing his rhyme books!
Why was the math book sad at the rap battle?
Because it couldn't count the bars!
What do you call a rapper who LOVES to read?
50 Cents of Gray.
A Canadian, an American, and a Mexican were tasked by a billionaire with teaching his stubborn pet parrot how to speak within 2 weeks.
They were given everything they needed to succeed, and a large sum of money was offered to the one who made the parrot talk first.
The Canadian played documentaries for the parrot through the whole duration. He spent all his time citing the alphabet and reading stories for the parrot.
The American showered him with the finest food, brought him all the females that he can mate with, and made sure to spoil the parrot as much as he can.
The Mexican locked the parrot in a dark room, barely gave him any food or water, and beat the shit out of him every single day.
When the time was up, the billionaire returned to find the parrot still unable to speak, so he asked the 3 trainers about their progress.
The Canadian goes: "I have tried everything. I spent all my time and energy teaching him the alphabet and reading books to him! Nothing worked."
The American agrees: "I have spoiled him beyond belief, gave him all the luxury he can possibly get, and yet he won't speak!"
The Mexican confirms: "I have showered him with love and luxury as well, tried to teach him words day and night, spent all my time and energy spoiling him with everything I had!"
The parrot looks at the Mexican with disbelief and yells out: "You lying motherfucker!"
I wrote a book called "Endless Love."
It’s about a tennis match between Stevie Wonder and Hellen Keller.
I asked the librarian if they had any books on anxiety.
She replied with, "Won't you worry a lot about returning it late?"
I don’t get why Katniss was bitching so much in ‘The Hunger Games’ books. Ethiopia has been competing for years and I don’t hear any of them complaining.
I asked the librarian if the library had any books on paranoia.
She whispered, "They're right behind you!"
