Book jokes
Me: (pointing up in the air) "Everybody listen up, this is a robbery!"
Girl: "Dude, this is a library."
Me: "Oh." (screwing on a silencer)
Why did the math book go to the psychologist?
It had too many problems.
I bought a book for my blind friend.
— Can I borrow a book [on] how to kill myself?
— Librarian: No, because you won’t bring it back.
I gave my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday. Next week he told me it was the most violent book he ever read.
I gave my blind friend a piece of sandpaper. He said it was the most gruesome book ever.
My cock was in the book of world records...
The librarian told me to take it out.
Have you heard of the new book about anti-gravity?
Well, I just can't seem to put it down.
Doctor: What makes you feel depressed?
Me: Seeing others happy.
Doctor: Ok, so what makes you happy?
Me: Seeing stupid people in misery or agony.
Doctor: Well, that's rather sadistic.
Me: Well, statistically one in two doctors have fingered a child...
Doctor: Do you want your prescription or shall I book you an endoscopy?
Me: There's nothing hidden inside me, I'm empty "smug face".
A man walks into a library.
Man: "Hello ma'am, do you know where I can find a book on suicide?"
Librarian: "Do you know about our return policy?"
Suicidal Man: ...
Librarian: ...
The Woman checking out a book: "WHAT THE FUCK?"
Did you hear that Daft Punk came out with a cook book?
It's called "One More Thyme."
What did the math book say to the other math book? Wanna hear my problems?
A man goes to the library to find the best book about committing suicide. So when he asks the librarian, "What's the best book on committing suicide?" The librarian said, "Oh, fuck off...you won't bring it back anyway."
Q: What does encyclopedia mean by cut them in triple?
A: Encyclopedia, more like "An Cyclone Media!"
Make him read a book.
I heard Kobe was writing a book about helicopters, but it just wouldn't land with people...
I know, I'm going to hell!
An emo man asked a librarian for a suicide book. She said no because you won't bring it back.
What's the difference between a Mexican and a book?
The book has papers.
What do the initials BIBLE stand for?
Bull In Book Lacking Evidence
Why did the library book go to the doctor?
It needed to be checked out.