Book jokes
What did the blind kid say after receiving a cheese grater for Christmas?
"This is the most violent book I’ve ever read."
I just wrote a book on reverse psychology. Do not read it.
Do you want a book about gravity? I couldn’t put it down!
If a gay white male with blond hair is a prostitute, you will get $175.00 back for a blowjob if you give him $20.00. If you give a can of sauerkraut to a gay white male that is a prostitute with blonde hair and who is also Polish, you will get the money back that he paid for the can of sauerkraut if you wanted him to give you a blowjob. And if you wanted a blowjob from a gay white male that is a prostitute that is Canadian and Polish with blond hair, you will get the money back he paid for the bottle of maple syrup at the grocery store if you wanted him to give you a blowjob. But if you wanted to fuck him up the ass, he will give you the money back that he paid for the can of Crisco and he will also give you the money back that he paid for the box of condoms and he will give you the change back that he paid for the box of tampons that he paid for his baby sister or you could get a free anonymous blowjob at an adult book store.
The kids at Robb Elementary School went in to read books. Instead, they got dozens of magazines.
Why do oompa loompas secretly take Skinny Dips in Willy Wonka's chocolate?
They wanted some chocolate balls.
Never hide something behind a bookshelf. It's the oldest trick in the book!
What is Africa's most played game?
The Hunger Games.
In the morning at 6:30 AM,
Teacher: Who fought in World War I?
Me: Trump & Biden.
Teacher: Oh ok... well good job class, see you tomorrow and study your books.
After school,
Teacher: Oh God those kids know nothing.
"She looks at her clock."
Teacher: And now I am sewed.
Did you hear Stephen Hawking has a new book out?
It's about time!
"Grandma, tell me a story!" I said as we huddled near the campfire.
"Alright," she said, "Once, there was a tree named Timmy, he was my best tree friend. I used to read books under him and climb all his branches."
"Where is Timmy now?" I asked.
Grandma pointed to the campfire.
Should I kill the main character's best friends in my book? It's an autobiography.
When you get a pop-up book of the Qur'an and it just explodes as soon as you turn the page XD.
Did you hear that Rushdie has a new book? It's titled "Buddha, that Fat Fuck."
Me: Mrs., can I read my book?
Teacher: Sure.
Me: *watching my Chromebook*
I was sitting in math class, and our teacher doesn't like it if we don't work on math in his class. So, I did science homework on top of a math book.
About the guy who gave Stevie Wonder a cheese grater...
He thought it was the most violent book he'd ever read.
Forrest Gump: Who's your favorite Lord of the Rings character?
Lieutenant Dan: Legaless.
Why did the clock out the library?
It tocked too much!
I feel bad for the kids at Sandy Hook. All they wanted was books, but got magazines instead.