Book jokes

I gave my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday. Next week he told me it was the most violent book he ever read.

Why do oompa loompas secretly take Skinny Dips in Willy Wonka's chocolate?

They wanted some chocolate balls.

Those poor kids at Sandy Hook, all they wanted was books. Instead, they got magazines.

What's the difference between a Mexican and a book?

The book has papers.

A man books a session to see a therapist, as he claims he has a strong fear of the 15th, 9th and 3rd letters of the alphabet. So once the therapist, let's call him Frank, has jotted that down on his notebook, he says, "Oh, I see."

What's a book never written? Beautiful sights by a mountain, by a rocky hill!

Me: Hey, that's a really heavy bag, do you have a lot of books and magazines in there?

The Quiet Kid: Yeah, magazines.....

A woman walks into a library and asks if they have any books about paranoia. The librarian says, "They're right behind you!"

I was reading a great book about an immortal cat the other day. It was impossible to put it down.

I asked the librarian if the library had any books on paranoia.

She whispered, "They're right behind you!"

I don’t get why Katniss was bitching so much in ‘The Hunger Games’ books. Ethiopia has been competing for years and I don’t hear any of them complaining.

What's the difference between an orphan and a second-hand book?

The second-hand book was loved once.

What did the science textbook say to the math textbook?

You've got a lot of problems!

Guys, don’t put the Holocaust books in the fiction section, it was the worst mistake of my life!

An emo man asked a librarian for a suicide book. She said no because you won't bring it back.

They put the woman's rights in the fantasy section in the library.

I just got a job at the prison library.

It has its prose and cons.

Got a job at the library yesterday... It lasted fifteen minutes... Turns out books about women's rights don't belong in the fiction section.

Which book takes an extreme turn and has an incredible plot twist?

- The math book. Suddenly letters appear in the calculations...

I have been reading this book about zero gravity. I can’t seem to put it down.