What do you do when you run out of lines on your book?
You look at the emo girl and say, "Hey, can I borrow your arm?"
If a gay white male with blond hair is a prostitute, you will get $175.00 back for a blowjob if you give him $20.00. If you give a can of sauerkraut to a gay white male that is a prostitute with blonde hair and who is also Polish, you will get the money back that he paid for the can of sauerkraut if you wanted him to give you a blowjob. And if you wanted a blowjob from a gay white male that is a prostitute that is Canadian and Polish with blond hair, you will get the money back he paid for the bottle of maple syrup at the grocery store if you wanted him to give you a blowjob. But if you wanted to fuck him up the ass, he will give you the money back that he paid for the can of Crisco and he will also give you the money back that he paid for the box of condoms and he will give you the change back that he paid for the box of tampons that he paid for his baby sister or you could get a free anonymous blowjob at an adult book store.
Iβm reading a book about Anti-Gravity. Itβs impossible to put down!
Forrest Gump: Who's your favorite Lord of the Rings character?
Lieutenant Dan: Legaless.
One of my students asks, "Can I have a bookmark?"
A year of school and they still don't know my name is Danny.
You're so wonderful that Wonderland booked tickets to meet you!
Stormtrooper: What should I do about my overdue library book?
Palpatine: Renew it!
Do you know Warrior Cats?
I heard Hawkfrost is cold.
My favorite novel is "The Hunchback of Notre Dame". I love a protagonist with a twisted back story.
Me: I finished a book with 100 pages.
Someone else: How was it?
Me: It's a long story.
What did the math book say to the guidance counselor?
A guy entered a library and wanted to get some books to read. He was searching across the books, and the librarian asked him,
Librarian: What are you looking for?
Man: I am looking for a book!
Librarian: Which book?
Man: Facebook.
My friend said that his book was getting boring and that he's gonna kill off some characters.
I asked him what his book was about and he said, "Oh, it's an autobiography."
What famous book writer for kids loved insects?
Beatrix Potter.
Bro, are you an Oompa Loompa? Because you look like you just came from the chocolate factory.
Should I kill the main character's best friends in my book? It's an autobiography.
A hunter shot holes into his favorite book.
When confronted, he said it was the "holey" Bible!
"If two sides in a battlefield read my book, there will be no winner."
Sun Tzu, The Art of War.
What's a gun's favorite type of literature?
Magazine.
Ever heard of account stealing?
Ever heard of someone by the name of "#SHUT THE HELL UP GWEN DON'T EVEN DATE PRINCE ON FACE BOOK!!!!!!!! I HATE IT WHEN UR HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"?
