Book jokes
What's the difference between a Mexican and a book?
The book has papers.
This isn't an orphan joke, but I got a job at a library, but it only lasted 15 minutes. Turns out, books about women’s rights shouldn’t go in the Sci-Fi / Fantasy section.
I gave my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday. Next week he told me it was the most violent book he ever read.
What's the difference between a boring teacher and a boring book?
You can shut the book up.
Hey, wanna read here? Have a comet book.
A man comes into the pharmacy to get a flu shot. The pharmacy nurse prepares one of the shots. The man gets the shot, and the nurse cleans the shot area.
The next day, the man comes back and gets another shot. Before he paid, the nurse said, “Don’t you realize if you get another shot you may die from overdose?” The man said, “Don’t you realize if you don’t shut up I’ll give you a shot of lead?” The nurse got scared and quit her job.
The nurse was relaxing, looking for a vacation to book, when all of a sudden she hears an odd noise. It sounds like someone cocking a gun. The man was hiding behind the nurses bushes. “In return for you giving me shots, here are yours,” said the man as he was chuckling like a psycho. The man shot the nurse in the leg so she couldn’t escape, then he shot her left hand, which is the lady’s dominant hand, so she couldn’t call the cops. For the finishing move, the man curb stomped the fucking life out of her until her head was as flat as paper.
9 years later......
All along, this man, this psycho, escaped a mental hospital. He went on mass genocide, killing 20,000 people in just 3 years. This man is more than human, more than alien, more than god himself. It was Satan reborn.
What did the math book say to the other math book?
Wanna hear my problems?
A doctor fell into a well and broke his collarbone.
The doctor should attend the sick and leave the well alone!
A man books a session to see a therapist, as he claims he has a strong fear of the 15th, 9th and 3rd letters of the alphabet. So once the therapist, let's call him Frank, has jotted that down on his notebook, he says, "Oh, I see."
Your mama is so old, she made a book bigger than the Bible about her life.
What do you call a teen wizard who just went through puberty?
Hairy Potter.
What does one math book say to the other? -- "Don't bother me. I've got my own problems!"
What’s a gay person’s favorite book?
The dictionary.
I just wrote a book on reverse psychology. Do not read it.
I told my brother if he wanted to have a wonderful first day of school, then he should put a cookbook in the women's sports section at the school library.
Guys, don’t put the Holocaust books in the fiction section, it was the worst mistake of my life!
Me: (pointing up in the air) "Everybody listen up, this is a robbery!"
Girl: "Dude, this is a library."
Me: "Oh." (screwing on a silencer)
A proud new dad sits down with his own father.
His father says, "Son, you now have a child of your own, so I think it's time I gave you this." And so, he pulls out a book: 1001 Dad Jokes.
The young man says, "Dad, I'm honored," as tears well up in his eyes.
His father says, "Hi, Honored, I'm Dad."
I was reading a book about an immortal dog yesterday...
It was impossible to put down.
I asked the librarian if the library had any books on paranoia.
She whispered, "They're right behind you!"