Book jokes
Man 1: I-I ran my mom over to get a stupid book.
Man 2: Aww, books aren't that bad. I'm sure she thinks you're a great son considering she can't drive anymore.
Man 1: She was in the road, and I was rushing to get the last copy of this book. She can't drive or do anything anymore.
"Grandma, tell me a story!" I said as we huddled near the campfire.
"Alright," she said, "Once, there was a tree named Timmy, he was my best tree friend. I used to read books under him and climb all his branches."
"Where is Timmy now?" I asked.
Grandma pointed to the campfire.
True Story of Little Red Riding Hood.
The big bad wolf told Red Riding Hood to strip. He looked at her pussy and said, "Now I will fuck you!"
Red pulled out a shotgun from under her coat and said, "Oh no you're not. You're not, you're going to eat me just like it says in the book!"
What do you do when you run out of lines on your book?
You look at the emo girl and say, "Hey, can I borrow your arm?"
If a gay white male with blond hair is a prostitute, you will get $175.00 back for a blowjob if you give him $20.00. If you give a can of sauerkraut to a gay white male that is a prostitute with blonde hair and who is also Polish, you will get the money back that he paid for the can of sauerkraut if you wanted him to give you a blowjob. And if you wanted a blowjob from a gay white male that is a prostitute that is Canadian and Polish with blond hair, you will get the money back he paid for the bottle of maple syrup at the grocery store if you wanted him to give you a blowjob. But if you wanted to fuck him up the ass, he will give you the money back that he paid for the can of Crisco and he will also give you the money back that he paid for the box of condoms and he will give you the change back that he paid for the box of tampons that he paid for his baby sister or you could get a free anonymous blowjob at an adult book store.
Memes
Nerds be like...
Iβm reading a book about Anti-Gravity. Itβs impossible to put down!
It's just been discovered that as well as writing a book, Adolf Hitler also wrote one of the first computer games, "Mein Kraft."
Forrest Gump: Who's your favorite Lord of the Rings character?
Lieutenant Dan: Legaless.
One of my students asks, "Can I have a bookmark?"
A year of school and they still don't know my name is Danny.
How does the author of Harry Potter get around?
She walks, JK, Rowling!
Stormtrooper: What should I do about my overdue library book?
Palpatine: Renew it!
You're so wonderful that Wonderland booked tickets to meet you!
Do you know Warrior Cats?
I heard Hawkfrost is cold.
What's Harry Potter's favorite way of going down a hill?
Walking. JK, Rowling.
Ever heard of account stealing?
Ever heard of someone by the name of "#SHUT THE HELL UP GWEN DON'T EVEN DATE PRINCE ON FACE BOOK!!!!!!!! I HATE IT WHEN UR HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"?
A hunter shot holes into his favorite book.
When confronted, he said it was the "holey" Bible!
What's a gun's favorite type of literature?
Magazine.
My favorite novel is "The Hunchback of Notre Dame".
I love a protagonist with a twisted back story.
I feel bad for the kids at Sandy Hook. All they wanted was books, but got magazines instead.
"If two sides in a battlefield read my book, there will be no winner."
Sun Tzu, The Art of War.